North Star Writers Group

John Ritter is the only celebrity whose death has ever brought a tear to my eye. He was brilliant in the television sitcom he starred in at the time of his death. “Eight Simple Rules” reminded many a daughter how much their dad loved them.

It was a simple show, and I dedicate this column to all of us out there who live fairly simple lives. While other columnists have written beautiful holiday tributes to soldiers on the battlefield, and yet others have written scathing opinion columns about the banning of the word Christmas, today I simply share with you my Average Jane version of holiday peace.

See, I’m not fighting in a war. I don’t agree with half of my family on religion, so we avoid the topic. My husband and I are as “in the middle” of the middle class as they come.

We are thankful this year for Eight Simple Reasons. I share them to make you laugh, and to show that no matter how weird or trashy or dumb your own are, at least they are uniquely yours.

Jailhouse Rock – No Longer a Christmas Song. Last year at this time, we bailed a close family member out of jail. Now, we’re really hoping that was a once-in-a-lifetime Christmas, but you never know when you’ve got a serious law-defying rebel amongst your brood. Just remember – it could happen to you!
Thank God for Five Year Olds. Not four-year-olds. Five-year olds. In 2004, our then-aged-four nephew proclaimed strongly after opening our Christmas gift, “I hate this!” Now, the age of discretion is upon him. This year, even if he lied, at least he didn’t make his mom turn fifty shades of red.
A Little Bit of Cash. Not Johnny Cash. The real stuff. Yep, I admit we’re thankful I won $60 in a small stakes poker game. Now we can make a credit card payment on that gift that our nephew either likes or hates.
Rite-Aid. Have you ever had a Secret Santa, forgot about it until the night before, then all that was open the next morning was a drug store? We saw the results of that when my hubby was given one of the tackiest ornaments I’ve ever seen. But it says something on it: “Parents to Be – 2005.” It was our biggest reminder that it’s our last year spent alone as husband and wife. And that is the coolest – if not the scariest – phrase to see hanging from your Christmas tree.
Breaking Religious Barriers? Easy as Stepping Over the Curb. Our Buddhist neighbors across the street brought us homemade egg rolls on New Years Eve. A few days later, I got a card from my Hindu friend. It was not a holiday card. It did not say Season’s Greetings. It was a Christmas card. I asked her about it and she said, “I sent it to all of my friends because it was funny and made me laugh.” I thank her – and my neighbors – for reminding us that the differences in our beliefs don’t matter at all, but that the universal language of a smile can be achieved in many different ways.
We Haven’t Lost our Minds. This is a trivial reason – really. My husband and I are once again proud to have proven our prowess in Trivial Pursuit. It’s widely known in our circle of friends that the Droogs are formidable Trivial Pursuit competitors, but every once in awhile, we get a kick out of rubbing it in everybody’s faces. You can tell we don’t play any sports.
New Comforts in an Old House. We finally got rid of our 12-year old mattress in favor of a new one. Our 2006 resolution? More nights of restful sleep. Enough said!
Once Again, Ladies and Gentlemen, John Ritter. After the hustle and bustle of a crazy few weeks, I found an old episode of Three’s Company on in the middle of a sleepless night. I hadn’t laughed this hard at a sit com in a while. Again, it was a simple plot, and the show featured simple characters, unfettered by reality TV and not trying to one-up their ratings with two girls kissing, or anything that when I really think about it, I don’t want to see anyway.

A simple show. Reminding me of simple things to be glad for. I hope you will join me in my and John Ritter’s version – not FOX TV’s or Paris Hilton’s – of a simple life in 2006.

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