November 23, 2005
Column of the Year
The Bridget Jones Diary sequel “The Edge of Reason” didn’t win any
awards, but its title describes exactly how I felt the day
after the Emmys.
Red
carpets aside, let’s take a look at these tiresome “Of the Year”
Awards. They have them for movies, for cars, for moms, for students,
for computers, for bodies… you get the idea. At this point, I believe
most of society is even tired of the funny spoofs of all the “Of the
Year” Awards.
Why
is it that American society believes these competitions to be
newsworthy? The last straw for me came when I received an email asking
for nominations of “Spokesperson of the Year.”
I am
not making this up. I don’t think I could. According to the award’s
sponsors, “The awards showcase how top spokespeople successfully
navigated the crowded and often shark-filled waters of the media where
agendas can be skewed, messages can be twisted and an unfavorable light
can be cast upon a person or organization…”
Shark-filled waters? Is this award for shipwreck divers or corporate
leaders?
The
flyer goes on: “The onus is on the spokesperson to cut through the
clutter and convey a quotable, spot-on message – all the while
protecting credibility.”
Now, I
first want to say that this criticism is coming from someone who has
worked in the field of media relations for a long time. But the last
time I checked, most of those “unfavorable lights” were actually the
truth. Not always.
So I
suggest they call the awards what they’re really for. They would have
to have two. The first would recognize “Liar of the Year,” the
corporate spokesperson who fooled you into believing the company’s
innocence. On the flip side, you could also award “Journalist with Most
Aggressive Personal Agenda of the Year,” for those cases when the media
really did blow a story out of proportion. I’m sure the Liar and the
Journalist would leave the ceremony the best of friends, having sat at
the head table together and all.
Come
on! Spokesperson of the Year?
I think
I’ll go home and award “Best Jeans of the Year” to the ones that make me
look the skinniest. I’ll send an announcement to the media, and I’ll
host a pricey event at my house, and I’ll… wait a minute! Those jeans
didn’t actually do anything to improve the world. To cure cancer. To
bring the arts to underserved children. To stop war.
They aren’t Nobel Peace Prize winners and neither is your company
spokesperson. Let’s reserve all awards for people
like them
– people who really make a difference! Let’s cancel all other “Of the
Year” awards for one year.
I
realize there are serious ramifications to this idea, including:
-
The media would have to cover real news. Oh no! They
might have to engage the public – credible people with extensive
knowledge and experience – in actual debate about topics like poverty.
- The E! Channel would go out of business. Forgive me, but
I can’t think of one reason that’s a bad thing. I spent an hour
trying.
-
Baseball players (or football, or hockey) would stop being worth an
extra million just because they got an award. Trust me – there are
enough Rookies of the Year who turned out to be flukes (does anyone who isn’t from Cleveland
remember Joe Charboneau?) to make us
realize this is unnecessary. Heck, maybe even our sporting event ticket
prices could – gasp – stay the same for two years in a row!
- Rental movies at Blockbuster might have to be successful
because the topic is actually intriguing to people. Studios wouldn’t be
able to put any accolades in giant yellow starbursts to tempt renters.
The people might have to actually decide for themselves which movie they
liked the best! Definitely dangerous territory.
I
guess the negative side of doing this would be that sheer boredom might
kill as many people as the E! Channel would have to lay off.
The
positive side is that people would have to do other stuff with their
time. Not knowing what to do, they might take a class or volunteer
somewhere.
Yeah,
I am pretty confident that the cancellations would make 2006 the Best
Year Ever.
Cindy Droog
last won an award in 2003 for “Person with the Most
Trips to the Emergency Room,” given by her employer. She has considered
nominating herself for several fictitious awards, like Height-Challenged
Person of the Year, or Schizophrenic Amazon.com Customer of the Year,
both of which she’d be a serious contender for.
© 2005 North Star Writers
Group. May not be republished without permission.
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