September
27, 2006
Time to
Celebrate the Classically Uncouth
After
staying home with my newborn son for the past 12 weeks, I believe it’s
time for a change. Time for America to take a closer look at some of
its taboo behaviors and make them socially acceptable again. Here is my
list so far:
1. The Bib
– Not Just for Lobster Anymore
Who’s with
me? Who else out there has started to get dressed for work in the
morning, only to say to themselves, “I can’t wear this shirt. I have a
lunch meeting today.” Who else keeps their old black blazer hanging in
the office “just in case” of total food-stain embarrassment?
Let’s stop
the madness. Let’s embrace our God- (or Darwin-, depending on your
leanings) given animalistic eating habits and let the ketchup fly. If we
were able to wear bibs at every meal, do you realize how much money we
would save on dry cleaning bills, stain lifters and new clothes? Not to
mention the Earth-saving benefits of fewer weekly washloads.
2. The
Famously Underrated “What the @&*?” Look
My son
responds to my baby babble with what I consider the classic, “What’choo
talkin’ ‘bout Willis?” look made famous by Gary Coleman in his
Diff’rent Strokes days. I find it hilariously refreshing. Now,
consider how much more would get done in business today if you could
simply give the person in charge that look with absolutely no negative
consequence?
Just
picture yourself in a meeting with your boss. She gives you an
assignment that absolutely could not be done in the format or timeframe
given, with the results desired, even if you were Superman. Rather than
taking the time to think through your response – of course, attempting
to phrase your questions to her in a politically correct way – or,
leaving the meeting knowing that you’ve been set up to fail, you could
just give her “the look.”
It would be
required by all employers that when management is given “the look,” they
must reconsider their comments or requests and come back to you with a
more reasonable, doable and important assignment. Productivity would
truly be on the rise, and senseless busy work would be history.
3. The
Daily Vocabulary Lesson
Yes, he is
only three months old, and yes, I am trying to teach him real words, one
at a time, each day. Now while all of the early childhood development
experts are debating the merits of this, the rest of us normal folks can
consider the ramifications of such a lesson for adults.
If this
were a daily-recurring, socially acceptable thing for adults to do, we
would no longer hear the word “supposively.” The phrase “for all
intensive purposes” would instead be said, spelled and used correctly.
Heck, after a few years, we might even teach people to stop saying that
things are “very unique.”
A smarter
America is all I’m after here.
4.
Celebrating the Toot
We share a
cottage with another couple, who also have small children in the family.
It’s become our inside joke that whenever someone releases a
gastrointestinal bubble, we say, “Hey, is there a duck in here?” to
which everyone responds with a few seconds of laughter before proceeding
with their activities.
Again,
let’s look at this from the time-saving perspective in the business
world. Rather than shrinking in your seat with embarrassment if you are
the guilty party, you could relax. If it wasn’t you, you could laugh
aloud and share a fine stress-relieving moment with your coworkers
before getting back to the task at hand.
On a
particularly gassy day, the office secretary could order cake and the
department manager could give a motivational pep talk around the
conference room table. In general, I think we’d all feel a whole lot
better about ourselves and those around us.
5. The
Afternoon Nap
Um, need I
say more?
Please send
additional ideas for what else should be made socially acceptable to me
at cynthiadroog@yahoo.com. I’m going to have my people send the list to
Martha Stewart’s people, so she can give them the “What the @&*?
Look” when they suggest it for a show segment.
© 2006 North Star Writers
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