July 16, 2007
Front-Page News for Fenders
One of the highlights
of my day is reading the bumper stickers as I travel to work. My
favorite is still the BMW I often see with the sticker that says “WAS
HIS.”
Since most people
aren’t that clever, I often find myself instead counting the number of
“My son is an honor roll student at Forest View Schools” or “West
Catholic Volleyballs”. I find it fascinating that as a society, our
affiliations mean enough to us to drive around showcasing the same ones,
day after day after day.
Apparently, good grades
and athletics are very important to brag about. I guess no one told
these parents that the majority of our country’s entrepreneurs were
C-students at best. They’ve obviously never watched the NCAA commercials
either, that say 99 percent of student athletes go on to have successful
careers – in something other than sports.
As for me, I can’t do
it. If I did have bumper stickers, they’d have to be like my wardrobe.
Interchangeable on a daily basis. Otherwise, it simply wouldn’t work.
Just like I wanted to wear red today, I also might like you to know that
I’d prefer to, “Make Love, Not War.” After all, it is Friday. But by
Monday, I’d be wearing a three-piece suit and would need you to know
that “I’d rather be at the cabin.”
I feel a little sorry
that maybe I don’t feel passionately enough about any one thing to have
a one-sided conversation about it with every stranger that passes by.
I can get over my own
feelings of regret, but I really feel bad for my parents. Their
grandchildren, a one- year-old and another on the way, are too young to
have bumper-worthy accomplishments, and my brother and I, in our 20s and
30s, are too old to provide them. Why should this be? Rather than force
them to drive around, chrome-naked, and not necessarily by choice, I’ve
decided that these “bumper sticker tweeners” need options, too.
How about these
suggestions:
“My daughter got
married before she got pregnant.” I hear that’s quite the rarity these
days, and can take a lot more self-discipline than making the honor
roll. My parents should be proud. After all, they had a lot to do with
that accomplishment.
Or, “My son started an
Internet business, and it’s still here!” Some of the tweeners might have
to explain to their less-ambitious children who are still cool. “My
daughter was the 18th alternate for Survivor Fiji.”
Maybe the late 50- and
60-somethings with really young grandchildren need milestone stickers
like this:
“My one-year-old
grandson didn’t need Baby Einstein to get the vocabulary of your
two-year-old.”
After all, for my
parents, it’s true. So, why not brag? How is that any different than
saying, “Nah nah nah – my kid’s on the honor roll and yours isn’t.” It
could start a really fun little bumper sticker war in retirement
communities across the country. The Andersons would get a “My
granddaughter potty trained at 18 months” sticker, and the Johnsons
might get “My grandsons are twins – top that!”
All of this would be a
great way to spark some friendly competition, not to mention helping
people to identify the real accomplishments of their children, as
grown-ups. The honor roll isn’t necessarily a prequel to success.
Neither is playing tennis, football or hockey.
But having fulfilling
careers? Happy marriages and great kids? When those things happen, your
own kids have really achieved something. And now, we’re talking serious
front-page news for fenders.
© 2007 North Star Writers
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