March 5, 2007
Wasting Away Again in
Margameetingville
It’s been said that the definition of a meeting is where
minutes are taken and hours are wasted. For the most part, I would have
to agree. So, being just as tired of my time being wasted as the next
gal, I thought I’d have a little fun this past week.
I decided to do a little experiment, and infuse some of
my favorite quotes from music into my meetings. I’d hoped that by doing
this, I could cut the meetings short. But if not, at least I’d be
entertaining myself.
First, there was the meeting in which complex project
management processes were being explained to us under the umbrella of
“how to be innovative.” Just fill out this form! Of course – why didn’t
I think of that? Then, the form gets approved by 50 people and bam! Now,
you can start innovating!
I was exhausted. First, you shouldn’t have to fill out a
form to be innovative. Second, if you do have to fill out a form, it
shouldn’t take 20 minutes to explain. Visions of Gary Coleman kept
coming to mind, and I couldn’t seem to get the phrase “What’choo talkin’
‘bout, Willis?” out of my head.
Instead, I thought about framing my question
appropriately, using the proper words so as not to offend the management
types. Then, I remembered my experiment.
Jay Z was perfect. So, I stood up, placed a thoughtful
hand under my chin and belted out, “Can I get a WHAT WHAT?” just like in
the song.
Apparently, not many 50-something white men listen to Jay
Z. The result was 20 more minutes about filling out the form. But
remember, my second goal was to entertain myself. I accomplished that,
felt smug and grinned and bore the rest of the meeting.
My next meeting was more a more intimate setting – just
me and one other. Kind of like two people on a warm summer’s eve, on a
train bound for nowhere. Except it wasn’t warm. Or an evening. But we
were definitely bound for nowhere, so I figured a little Kenny Rogers
would fit the bill.
This person kept droning on and on about a program that
wasn’t working. Of course, the obvious answer of “stop doing it” wasn’t
acceptable. Because then he’d have to admit it wasn’t working.
Whatever. He really wanted me to help him save this dying
dog, but sometimes, it is simply better to put things to sleep. It was
getting to be 5:00, and I was tired, so I looked at him and said, “For a
taste of some whiskey, I’ll give you my advice”… pause. Apparently, that
line from “The Gambler” didn’t work. This guy doesn’t keep whiskey in
his bottom file drawer. Not that I do, of course.
So I ended up with “You’ve got to know when to walk away,
and know when to run.”
At least this guy had heard the song. And while he may
not have appreciated my presentation of the facts, they were indeed the
facts. Meeting adjourned. Both of my goals – shorter meeting and
self-entertainment – were accomplished!
My music taste is quite eclectic, and I even own more CDs
than the amount of meetings I have to attend in a month. (That’s a lot!)
My third try at using music quotes to end a bad meeting came from my
good friends Fountains of Wayne.
It’s a quote I’ve used often, whether it comes to eating
better, exercising more or, in fact, framing my questions at work more
appropriately, so as not to offend the management types. As a matter of
fact, in this particular meeting, I was asked to do just that. My reply
was simple, and just like the song says.
“I tried to change, but I changed my mind.”
Believe it or not, my boss seemed OK with that. And if
he’s OK, I’m OK. After all, he may not be too different from me. I
imagine that for both of us, trying to survive meetings is just like
Jimmy Buffett said, “If I couldn’t laugh, I just would go insane!”
To offer
feedback on this column,
click here.
© 2007 North Star Writers
Group. May not be republished without permission.
Click here to talk to our writers and
editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.
To e-mail feedback about this column,
click here. If you enjoy this writer's
work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry
it.
This
is Column # CD34.
Request permission to publish here.
|