From Hillary to Huckabee, this is the month to tell the world that you’re running for president. But it’s also the month that hit show “American Idol” bursts onto the scene, so really, is anybody paying attention to who the next leader of the free world might be?

In 2004, 11.7 million people aged 18-24 voted. If I had the resources and research skills, I would like to do a study cross-referencing how many of the 37+ million who watch “American Idol” – and are eligible to vote for our president – actually do. Hopefully, the folks at Harvard can get a jumpstart on that number for me.

In the meantime, let’s assume that all concerned citizens would like to take a different approach this year to get voters to the polls. They’ve come to the right place! The idea is right before our very eyes, and has been ever since Kelly Clarkson beat that curly-headed cute guy in season one. (I don’t actually remember his name – much like you don’t remember Jack Kemp’s, eh?)

So, here’s how it would work:

Despite the fact that Simon Cowell is British, we should hire him to moderate, offer commentary, and encourage the American public to vote for the next president. His popularity is undeniable, but more importantly, his honesty is what I love. Politically correct? No point in that! Kind? Please! The American presidency has nothing to do with that. The decisions are too tough.

I can see it now. There will be some great comments, all of course, in a British accent:

“I’m sorry, Mr. Edwards. You showed up last time, and I thought the message was clear. You simply don’t have what it takes.”

“Mr. Brownback – maybe you can come back in four years. First, go take a course in fundraising. It’s kind of like when I recommend singing lessons. You only have to be a little good at it, like Britney Spears. Your back-up singers – those Focus on the Family folks – can help you do the rest. Oh, and before you come back – spruce up that wardrobe.”

Once Simon’s on board, we’ll need some major sponsors. Ford, Coca-Cola and Cingular are the current “American Idol” sponsors. Of these three, Ford ought to lead the way on the presidential version of the show. After all, Ford’s going to need a bit of government assistance in the next four years if it doesn’t want itself buried in the American corporate cemetery.

We’ll need a few other judges. In order to keep participation high, we need one 1980s has-been, just to keep the interest of the 30-somethings. Sheena Easton would do. Spandex tights are making a comeback. So should she.

Finally, we need the Randy equivalent. Someone to shake his head, roll his eyes, and call people “dawg.” Much like Randy, he’ll have to come out of nowhere and all of a sudden be an expert.

Once the judges are in place, all we need is a major network to do the following:

a) Overhype the weekly show beginning six months before it starts

b) Carefully choose outrageous footage of the rejects to air during commercials. Like Joe Leiberman showing up to audition in a Chippendales uniform. Or Nader doing one-handed push-ups while screaming “I have always loved you, Sheena.”

c) Air a segment of the competition weekly, ensuring that as people are eliminated, they don’t cry while giving their farewell speech.

So, instead of singing, we’ll be watching heated debates. Just like American Idol, who has behind-the-scenes coaches like Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, people like Tim Russert and Chris Matthews can help the candidates prepare.

Each week, we can all text-message in our comments and they’ll run them along the bottom of the screen.

“Obama is 2 hot 4 wrds.”

“NO1 is better than McCain.”

“CU L8R Giuliani. No way in ‘08”

After all of the comments have been shared with the public, voting day finally arrives. People go to the real polls to be counted – by the millions, no doubt. Best of all, pre-teens and teens who are too young to vote will still get excited about the prospect of choosing a president. All of the buzz will be about turning 18 and being able to vote, rather than turning 21 and being able to drink.

You object to this? You say we’d be turning serious news into mindless entertainment? Hey. We might as well make it official.

When all is said and done, Simon Cowell could save us all.

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