January 8,
2007
Roommate
Wanted? Read This First
“Roommate
Wanted” classifieds are so general, it never ceases to amaze me. Male or
female? Smoker or non-smoker? Partier or studious type?
They’re
just like telling somebody that you’ll get back to them “soon.” Soon to
me is 24 hours. Soon to others is three months from now.
Rather than
rely on ambiguity when choosing your live-in, here are some questions to
ask, and the problems that may result if you don’t:
1.
What is your acceptable timeframe for dirty dishes to remain in a
sink? Mine is 24 hours. If you cook an elaborate meal and want to relax
the rest of the evening, OK by me! My husband’s ex-roommate had another
idea in mind. His timeline was seven days. Seem generous? Maybe so, but
when your time was up, he would throw your dishes in the trash. Pots and
pans? Yep, those too! The only five forks you own? Gone! It’s a good
thing I owned a complete set of kitchenware when we bought our house. My
husband came into the relationship – thanks to his old roommate – with a
spatula.
2.
What kind of emotion does the phrase “your turn to take out the
garbage” elicit? I once had a roommate who refused to take out the
garbage. This, in and of itself, was not so bad. Garbage is a chore I’ve
been doing since the third grade. What I didn’t know was that she’d take
to walking around the apartment, holding her nose, yelling, “the garbage
stinks!” when she wanted me to do it. Not touching garbage? Somewhat
acceptable. Complaining about it, but not being willing to do anything?
Simply annoying.
3.
When, exactly, do you consider it a must to watch television? I
once lived with someone who felt that Sunday nights were off limits for
socializing. Apparently, that was her time to self-reflect. I, on the
other hand, was an “X-Files” junkie along with some friends. We were
nerds. We thought we were funny. We shared some wine. Self-reflection
time was interrupted, and to this day, I bet she can’t look at David
Duchovny without scowling.
4.
If I go away for a weekend, what would you do under the following
circumstances?
a)
My cat, who you’ve agreed to watch, throws up. The answer you’re
looking for is not, “I roll up the rug, throw it in your
bedroom, and wait for you to clean it.” Yet, that is exactly what a
girlfriend of mine had happen to her. Her room was a stinky mess, and
for a short time, so was their friendship.
b)
My grandmother calls. Again, what you don’t want to happen is for
your roommate to say, “She went out of town with that boy, Chad.” The
fact that you and Chad flew to South Padre on a whim and are partially
clothed, sipping piña coladas right now, is irrelevant. All roommates
should live by this rule: Give callers as little information as humanly
possible. It’s your job to take a message, not send one.
5.
Speaking of your roommate’s relationships, you absolutely must know
how often they expect their significant – or not so significant, if
that’s how they roll – others to be at your place. A few nights a week?
Acceptable. He lives out of town and comes to visit for a week? All
right. But when he uses the shower more than I do, we have a problem.
Not one that couldn’t be solved by some sort of payment, say, 1/3 of the
rent? But a problem nevertheless.
I speak
from experience. I once created disdain toward myself by cooking chicken
in my vegetarian roommate’s pan. I never forgave one of my old roommates
for letting her hairy guy friend sleep – and shed – on my sheets when I
was out of town. And don’t get me started on the roomie who didn’t speak
to me for three weeks because I forgot to tell her the final episode of
Cheers was on.
The point
is that roommates, who once may have been the best of friends, can grate
slowly on each other’s nerves. Throughout the term of a lease, that slow
grate turns into nails on a chalkboard. The next thing you know, you run
into each other years later and a snub is more satisfying than a hug.
It’s all
quite preventable, but you need to cover more at the outset than the
usual smoker/nonsmoker material. Dig deep. Or you may never be able to
dig out.
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