In the olden days of the newspaper business, a reporter’s only links with readers were the telephone and the post office.

 

Now we have e-mail.

That means every morning when I arrive at the office to begin another work day the first thing I do is open my e-mails to see what’s there.  Every day it’s the same story.

Save 16 messages.
Delete 4,321 messages.

I have never figured out how every weirdo in the world seems to find me, but they do.

And their sometimes terse, but more often rambling and pointless messages run the gamut from offers to buy new cars to invitations to join dating services operated by women named Bambi and Debbie Sue.

Holidays are a bad time because e-mailers come out of the woodwork to sell me everything from Valentine’s Day lingerie to Christmas decorations bearing the logos of National Football League teams.  I get on-line ads for Thanksgiving recipe books, too, and Easter baskets and flags for the Fourth of July.

Many e-mails hype products.

”We thought you might be interested in taking a look at the first available iPod case that allows you to watch your videos while. . .” one began. I zapped it pronto, sending it off to wherever it is dumb e-mail messages go.

Then there was the one that promised me immediate access to secret Pentagon correspondence offering “historical insight into the inner circle of key players involved in the defense of the United States immediately following the worst attack on American soil in U.S. history.”

I think it was nice somebody wanted to share secret Pentagon information with me, but I wasn’t interested.

The come-ons go on and on . . .

I recently received one offering me “fun and fashionable men’s underwear for spring.”

“This spring,” it promised, “men’s underwear is anything but bland, with a variety of designs including plaid, argyle and exotic animal prints.”

The same day I dissed another e-mail that informed me: “One of the country’s premier handbag companies has a new product that sells for $12,000 and will be available just before the Academy Awards show airs on TV.”

I’ve never bought a handbag in my life.  And, if I ever do, well, there’s a pretty good chance I’m not going to pay $12,000 for it.