Wife? Just a Few Small Suggestions, Dear . . .
always a stressful time of year for me. It’s stressful because it’s
December and that means Christmas is just around the proverbial corner,
which means it’s time for me to decide what to buy my wife for the
I always try to be clever when it comes to getting Sally gifts, but
after 43 years of marriage I’m starting to run short of ideas.
In all fairness to her, she doesn’t ask for much. Or, as she puts it
every year, “It’s not the gift that counts, but the thought behind it.”
Then, two days after saying that, she usually produces a Christmas gift
list that runs roughly the same length as Margaret Mitchell’s classic
novel “Gone With the Wind.”
I found this year’s list last Tuesday morning. It was hidden away in a
rolled up pair of sweat socks in my dresser drawer. Like past Sally
lists, it contained a slew of sensible gift suggestions sprinkled with a
handful of not-so-sensible (or inexpensive) suggestions.
around, her list begins with (1) Sweater (2) Slippers (3) Perfume (4)
Nightgown. Near the bottom of the 16-page, hand-written document, she
added (in much larger print, I might add) Mercedes convertible, Florida
vacation, mink jacket.
In my defense, I’ve given her some really neat Christmas gifts over the
years. I’ve also handed her a few. . .um . . . well . . .bummers, like a
steam iron, a crock pot and a 12-month subscription to Field & Stream Magazine.
I tend to shy away from buying her perfume for Christmas because it’s so
doggone expensive. Last year I went to an upscale department store with
every intention of buying her perfume.
“How much is this?” I asked a salesclerk pointing to a wee little bottle
of smelly stuff with a name I couldn’t even pronounce.
“That,” the clerk informed me, “is our hottest seller this year. The
price is $345.”
You should have seen her face when I exclaimed, “My first car
didn’t cost $345!” and quickly departed the perfume department.
I’ll probably start my shopping for Sally this year a week or so before
Christmas. I usually wait until that late because I want to be filled
with the spirit of the holiday when I shop for my wife.
Plus, sometimes the sales are great about that time.
Not to my
surprise, Sally is already trying to subtly find out what I’m buying her
“Going shopping anytime soon, honey?” she asked the other night, giving
me a big kiss.
be,” I replied, coyly. Then - still sweetly - I added “Remember the time
I got you a diamond for Christmas?”
That changed her personality in an instant.
sure did,” she snapped. “You bought me a copy of ‘Field of Dreams’
because it happens to be your favorite movie.”
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