North Star Writers Group

This is always a stressful time of year for me. It’s stressful because it’s December and that means Christmas is just around the proverbial corner, which means it’s time for me to decide what to buy my wife for the holiday.

I always try to be clever when it comes to getting Sally gifts, but after 43 years of marriage I’m starting to run short of ideas.

In all fairness to her, she doesn’t ask for much. Or, as she puts it every year, “It’s not the gift that counts, but the thought behind it.” Then, two days after saying that, she usually produces a Christmas gift list that runs roughly the same length as Margaret Mitchell’s classic novel “Gone With the Wind.”

I found this year’s list last Tuesday morning. It was hidden away in a rolled up pair of sweat socks in my dresser drawer. Like past Sally lists, it contained a slew of sensible gift suggestions sprinkled with a handful of not-so-sensible (or inexpensive) suggestions.

This time around, her list begins with (1) Sweater (2) Slippers (3) Perfume (4) Nightgown. Near the bottom of the 16-page, hand-written document, she added (in much larger print, I might add) Mercedes convertible, Florida vacation, mink jacket.

In my defense, I’ve given her some really neat Christmas gifts over the years. I’ve also handed her a few. . .um . . . well . . .bummers, like a steam iron, a crock pot and a 12-month subscription to Field & Stream Magazine.

I tend to shy away from buying her perfume for Christmas because it’s so doggone expensive. Last year I went to an upscale department store with every intention of buying her perfume.

“How much is this?” I asked a salesclerk pointing to a wee little bottle of smelly stuff with a name I couldn’t even pronounce.

“That,” the clerk informed me, “is our hottest seller this year. The price is $345.”

You should have seen her face when I exclaimed, “My first car didn’t cost $345!” and quickly departed the perfume department.

I’ll probably start my shopping for Sally this year a week or so before Christmas. I usually wait until that late because I want to be filled with the spirit of the holiday when I shop for my wife.

Plus, sometimes the sales are great about that time.

Not to my surprise, Sally is already trying to subtly find out what I’m buying her this year.

“Going shopping anytime soon, honey?” she asked the other night, giving me a big kiss.

“I might be,” I replied, coyly. Then - still sweetly - I added “Remember the time I got you a diamond for Christmas?”

That changed her personality in an instant.

“Yeah, you sure did,” she snapped. “You bought me a copy of ‘Field of Dreams’ because it happens to be your favorite movie.”

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