Last Tuesday was my lucky day.

It was early in the morning and I was sitting at my desk sipping coffee when I opened my e-mails and discovered I’d received an incredible job offer.

The message from a “Mr. Tsai” reads like this:  “Dear Mr. Batz:  We are exporters based in the Taiwan. We export raw materials into Asia and into Europe, America and Australia. Our company, Douyuan Chemical Co. Ltd, was established in 1987. We are interested in employing your services to work with us to establish a medium of receiving payment on our behalf for goods and raw materials we supply to our clients in Europe, America and Australia.”

Mr. Tsai goes on to say, “Subject to your satisfaction with this proposal, you will be made our foreign payment receiving officer in your region.”  Is that awesome or what?

All I have to do to get the job is say “yes” and I’m the company’s foreign payment receiving officer for this region.  Wow, huh? I mean, how many guys 66 years old get job offers like this one?  Not many, I’ll bet.

OK, it’s true that I don’t know the first thing about being a foreign payment receiving officer for an international chemical company, but when you really think about it, how hard can it be to learn?   They make the chemicals. They ship the chemicals. I collect the payments. Piece of cake.

I’ve never worked for an international chemical company, but I did deliver newspapers when I was 11.  Then there was that stint as a collector for a loan company. I outgrew the paper route and quit the loan company job because. . .well. . . I kept wanting to give money to the people who were behind on their payments.

As soon as I was contacted by the chemical company, I telephoned my wife Sally, who has been my tower of strength for 42 years.   “I’ve been offered a job as a foreign payment receiving officer with an international chemical company,” I told her.

 

She was silent for a moment, then she said, “Where the hell are you and how much have you had to drink?”

Mr. Tsai ends his letter with, “If you decide to work for us, please forward to us immediately via e-mail your phone/fax number and your full contact address. We anxiously await your response.”

As you read this, I’m putting the finishing touches on a letter to Mr. Tsai to find out a tad more about the job.   I want to know what the salary is, and if I will get a vacation, and if the company offers any neat perks, like maybe a staff car or free babysitting services.

 

Then I’ll start looking around for somebody who prints business cards.