North Star Writers Group

It seems the first words kids learn are please and thank you. Mothers hammer them into their offspring as soon as the kids are able to make sounds on their own.

When I was seven weeks old I opened my little mouth and said “ga gagroxzywrs” and Mom, as the story goes anyway, promptly said, “Isn’t that the cutest thing? Robbie just said thank you.”

My mother always insisted that I say “thank you” when she or somebody gave me something. If I didn’t, she’d glare at me and ask “What do you say?” in a no-nonsense tone of voice. I guess that’s why when I came out of work the other day just in time to see a police officer putting a parking ticket on the windshield of my car, I politely said “thank you.”

For gosh sakes why would anybody say “thank you” for a parking ticket? Sometimes it’s really ridiculous the number of pleases and thank yous two people exchange in the course of any given conversation.

I went into a department store the other day to buy a new shirt and was immediately confronted by a salesperson with a Ronald McDonald hairdo — she was wearing her hair in a bun.

“May I help you, PLEASE?” she asked.

“No THANK YOU, I’m just looking,” I replied.

“PLEASE call me if you need any help,” she said.

“Why yes, THANK YOU,” I told her. “I’m actually looking for a lime green shirt with huge purple flowers on it.”

“This way PLEASE,’” she said, motioning for me to follow her.

“Here are the shirts,” she said, pointing to a table.

“THANK YOU,” I told her.

“Your size, PLEASE,” she said.

“Oh, 15, or 15 1/2,” I said.

“THANK YOU,” she answered, pointing to the far end of the table. “Your sizes are right there.”

“THANK YOU,” I said, sifting through the stack of shirts.

“Would you like to try a shirt on to the make sure the size is right?” she asked.

“PLEASE,” I said.

“The dressing rooms are right over there,” she said, pointing to a far corner of the room.

“THANK YOU,” I said, plucking two shirts from the table.

I found a shirt I liked and walked to the front of the store to pay for it.

“Will that be cash or charge?” the cashier asked.

“Cash PLEASE,” I said, to which she replied “THANK YOU.”

When I gave her the money, she said “THANK YOU” and when she handed me my change I said “THANK YOU.”

I pushed a dollar bill across the counter. “Could I PLEASE have change for the parking meter?”

When she handed me four quarters, I said “THANK YOU.”

After she slipped my new shirt into a bag, she said “THANK YOU for shopping at Gunkelmeyer’s and PLEASE come back again.”

“THANK YOU,” I said, heading for the door.

“PLEASE have a nice day,” the cashier called after me.

“THANK YOU,” I shouted, “you have a nice day, too.”

“THANK YOU,” she replied.

My mother would have been proud.

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This is Column # BB38. Request permission to publish here.