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August 2,
2006
You’ve Just
Gotta Wonder
There comes
a time in life when people just naturally start wondering about things.
I reached that point at age 66. Last Thursday. At 3:18 p.m.
What do I wonder about? Well, for openers there are those yard signs
that say “HOUSE FOR SALE BY OWNER.” How silly. Who else could sell a
house? A renter? A neighbor?
Speaking of signs, I’m also confused by the ones that announce “LOTS FOR
SALE.” Lots of what?
My questions go on and on. . .
Are prisoners allowed to have cell phones?
How come a fish called a “crappie” tastes so darned good?
Why do car salesmen on TV commercials scream at the top of their lungs?
Why are some schools called “grade schools” and others aren’t? All
schools give grades, don’t they?
How come the line is always busy when I call the telephone company?
Who wrote the poem “Thirty days hath September/ April, June and no
wonder/all the rest eat peanut brittle/except grandma who drives a
Buick?”
If you buy a green shirt at a “January White Sale” will it cost more
than a white shirt?
How come when gasoline is cheap my car seems to get better mileage than
when gasoline is expensive?
Is “Entertainment Tonight” the dumbest show on TV?
Why do the people reporting the weather always tell us what the
temperature is at the airport?
Nobody
lives at the airport.
How come there aren’t any neat holidays in August?
Is there really a tavern somewhere in the world with a sign over the bar
that says, “If you drink to forget, please pay in advance?”
Why do most of the CDs on the market today contain only one or two good
songs with the rest being real losers?
Why do so many people spend big bucks to go to NASCAR races all over the
country to see speeding cars? All they have to do is drive most any
city street with a 25-mile-an-hour speed limit on a summer afternoon.
Am I the only person in the world who thinks the TV show “America’s
Funniest Home Videos” should be taken off the air pronto? So many of
its unfunny (my word) film clips show children being beaned by balls,
falling off bicycles and suffering other kinds of abuse?
When you get out of bed in the morning, which sock do you put on first?
And
finally, why do so many of the prescription medications they advertise
on TV have side effects that sound a helluva lot worse then the ailments
the medications are supposed to treat?
© 2006 North Star Writers
Group. May not be republished without permission.
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