Television has changed my life.
I went to a dinner party recently and my daughter
Laurie, the family’s official gourmet cook, offered me a
plate of her signature pasta salad.
“How is it?” she asked a few minutes later.
“I find it incredibly refreshing, much like a cool
summer breeze, with bold flavor and a delightful hint of
rosemary,” I told her.
Laurie turned to my wife Sally. “What’s up with Dad?”
“The Food Network,” Sally replied, rolling her eyes
skyward.
Until about six months ago, I was pretty much a macho
sports guy when it came to watching TV. Then Sally got
into the habit of watching The Food Network on days when
she was off work. She likes all of the programs:
Paula’s Home Cooking, BBQ With Bobby Flay, Emeril Live,
Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee. The Iron Chef.
At first I wasn’t really into those shows. I kept
telling Sally programs like Rachael Ray’s $40 A Day were
setups planned well in advance so Rachael doesn’t end up
getting a bill that will push her over $40 and ruin the
whole purpose of the program. I found myself quietly
hoping a waiter would just once bring her a check after
she had finished a meal and the tab would be $112.34.
Then, slowly, surely, I found myself hooked on cooking
shows. Now I’m to the point where I can’t get enough of
them.
I read every word of the newspaper’s channel guide to
see if any new programs have debuted. Worse yet,
certain, um . . . “food-ish” words have begun to creep
into my vocabulary. They include “zesty” and “robust”
and “piquant.” Mind you, this is coming from a man
who used to laugh and say “OK” whenever a waitress asked
me “How would you like those eggs cooked?”
The good thing is I’m trying to do something about my
sudden infatuation with edibles. The other day I
forced myself to watch a pro football game on TV. Well,
two quarters, anyway. Unfortunately, though, I still
experience temporary relapses. Just the other night
Sally and I were having dinner and she asked me to pass
the salt. I grabbed the shaker and said, “Here, let
me do it.”
Then I poised it above her plate and shouted “Bam! Bam!
Bam!”
