North Star Writers Group

In the past two weeks I’ve said goodbye to several writers who have retired from the newspaper. Some were nervous about leaving the job to start new lives. Others couldn’t wait to do it.

Now I have received a letter from my friend, Beverly Howdieshell, who sent along a little quiz that’s designed especially for retirees.

It’s headed “And They Ask Why I Like Retirement” and it goes like this:

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer:   Six Saturdays, one Sunday.

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer:   Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:   Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer:   There isn’t enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer:    Because the term comes with a 10 percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer:   Tied shoes.

Question: Do retirees still enjoy a beer after work?
Answer:   YES! Once you retire all beers are after work, even those you have in the morning.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer:    NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer:   They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff    there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer:    Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer:    The never ending coffee break.

Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer:   If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer:    He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

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This is Column # BB26. Request permission to publish here.