July 30, 2007

Phone Books: Hotel Reading at its Finest

I have an annoying (my first wife Sally’s word) habit.

Whenever I’m spending a night in an out-of-town hotel or motel, I read the local telephone directory. Aloud!

The plots of these books are never anything to write home about, but the casts of characters are often wonderful.

The first time I read a telephone directory aloud in a hotel room, Sally said, “Why are you reading the telephone directory aloud in a hotel room?”

Now she just takes it for granted that at some point during our stay I will haul out the telephone directory that’s always in the top drawer of the little table that’s always next to the bed in a hotel or motel room.

My most recent episode came two weeks ago when we spent the night in a hotel in Indiana.

As always, the first thing I did once we were in the room was leaf through the pages of the local telephone directory.

I’ve read other things in hotel and motel rooms, everything from soap wrappers to room service menus, but they just don’t compare to telephone directories.

I mean, even the best soap-wrapper prose is at best boring.

As for room service menus . . . well . . . they are no match for such best-sellers as “Gone With the Wind” and “The Old Man and the Sea.”

My ultimate dream when I’m perusing motel room telephone directories is to find somebody named Batz, which allegedly is an old German word meaning . . . um . . . “Batz.”

But, alas, the closest I’ve ever come to doing that was at a hotel in New Jersey several years ago when I found two Battses and a Butz.

When I’m leafing through a telephone directory I’m always on the lookout for communities with interesting names.

When we were in Indiana I found several, including towns with lyrical monikers like Eminence and whimsical names that included Lapel, Birdseye, Bourbon and Bippus.

I came across a dozen town names that began with the word “new,” including New Paris, New Richmond, New Haven and New Market, but I found only one community with the word “old” in its name and that was Oldenberg.

I found short names – Ora and Amo, and longer ones like Shipshewana.

The names of several Indiana communities also prompted questions. Are there many flowers in Poseyville? Any secrets in Tell City? How close is Waveland to the nearest ocean? 

Over the years I have tried to get friends and relatives into the habit of reading telephone directories in hotel and motel rooms.

Invariably, though, they always ask “Why?”

And, unfortunately, I never have an answer for them.

© 2007 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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