Nathaniel

Shockey

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May 12, 2008

You Know How I Know You’re an Idiot? Because You’re a Frickin’ Yankees Fan!

These days, you might see a commercial that features college sports fans from rival colleges holding the elevator door for each other, sharing an umbrella and wiping ranch dressing off another’s beard with a bare hand. The commercial bothered me because no true Duke fan is going to share an umbrella with anyone wearing UNC paraphernalia. I’m not joking. He wouldn’t.

The sports world doesn’t make sense to those who’ve never really taken the time to patronize a franchise. One team lost to another team and you’re in a bad mood, seriously? How long do you plan on locking yourself in your bedroom?

And really, it is quite stupid. Not only should it not make sense to a non-sports fan, it shouldn’t make any sense to anyone. Because unless you actually knew the players, unless they were your friends, or maybe your kids, why does their victory or defeat matter to you at all? You’re not playing! You’re not on the field. In fact, you can’t even throw a ball very well. You’re just sitting there, watching TV, and what’s more, you’re growing a beer belly!

And on top of the mood swings, there is the automatic disdain for other teams and their fans.

I met this Yankees fan recently, and I said something like, “Oh, great, another Yankees fan” – nothing severe, nothing cutting, just an insignificant comment that is really only the tip of the iceberg that is my loathing for everything Yankees.

And his response demonstrated everything I hate about the Yankees, “So there’s something wrong with being the winningest franchise in sports history?” I’ve heard this comment, or versions of this comment, way too many times, and it gets me upset.

So what? Did you play for the Yankees? Even Billy Crystal played for them! Didn’t you? You didn’t? You never even struck out as a Yankee? Then what makes you think you’re so wonderful? You don’t even work for them. Even George Costanza worked for the Yankees! You couldn’t get a job selling peanuts at Yankee Stadium, and do you want to know why? Because you’re an idiot. And do you know how I know you’re an idiot? Because you’re a frickin’ Yankees fan!

I don’t like Cowboys fans, and having spent a bit of time in Seattle and the Bay Area, I don’t much like Mariner fans or San Francisco Giants fans. But that’s the cool thing about being loyal to your home teams. Over time, you develop specific reasons to dislike every other sports franchise and all its fans. Is it the same type of hatred you have for a terrorist, or perhaps a power-hungry politician? Well, maybe when it concerns the Yankees, the emotions are similar. But concerning every other sports team, it’s more like that guy you never really took the time to get to know, and never really wanted to because for some reason, he just bothers you enormously.

There are times when you may grow to respect certain teams or their fans. For instance, I respect Chicago sports fans, especially Cubs fans, because I know most of them are very loyal and have suffered a great deal. If the Phillies end up playing the Cubs in the playoffs this year, I will promptly realize that I dislike the Cubs remarkably. But until then, the Cubs are OK. And to be perfectly frank, New York has a lot of serious sports fans, too. Although I really don’t care for most of them, I am not oblivious to the fact that New Yorkers take their teams quite seriously, they generally follow them even when they suck, and that is respectable. But this still doesn’t explain the way Yankees fans seem to think that they, personally, hit walk-off home runs at least once during every one of the Yankees’ 25 championships. Just kidding, I know it’s 26. I just wanted to get a rise out of the extremely sensitive Yankees fans out there.

It wouldn’t be hard to delve much more deeply into the psychology of being a sports fan. There would probably be words like escapism, projecting and perhaps sociopathy. But what I’ve realized about psychoanalyzing the sports world on an extremely technical level is that it is a real killjoy. Psychology and sports really don’t mix well. In fact, psychology and fun don’t really mix well either.

And I think that is the point. Being a sports fan is fun. Yes, it hurts, especially if you’re from Philadelphia. And yes, it’s stupid to automatically dislike people based on the colors they wear. But that’s just the way it is, and before you even ask – no, I don’t have any problem with the fact that in the same way I’m judging other sports fans, I am being judged. That’s what it means to be a sports fan. Call it crazy, stupid or whatever you want. You might even be right.

But if you ask any sports fan worth his salt, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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