Lucia

de Vernai

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April 14, 2008

Good Thing American Politicians Don’t Get Sexy Like the French! Oh Wait . . .

Sex in American politics is like a fine wine; usually paid for by the man, less enjoyable than courtesy allows admitting, and easily outdone by the French. Not that there is presently much to outdo, but perhaps in preparation for the possible return of Bill Clinton to the White House, they are sharpening their scandal skills.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy married model Carla Bruni four months after divorcing his first first lady. Now a nude photograph of Bruni raked in $91,000 at a Christie’s auction house in New York along with all-baring photographs of Lauren Hutton and Brigitte Bardot. Originally the shot, taken in 1993 at the peak of Bruni’s career, was expected to bring in between $3,000 and $4,000, but media exposure raised the stakes. The money will benefit a Swiss charity that provides water to developing nations. It adds a classy touch to peddling porn, don’t you think?  

The French president’s office declined comment in response to the event. Yes, they declined comment. There was no emergency late night press conference, no children being herded on the stage to create a wholesome image of the politician, no one had to resign. If anything, Sarkozy’s biggest nuisance resulting from the event is probably the number of high fives he’s been getting from parliament members and aides. Somewhere, fellow firm, young ass aficionado Eliot Spitzer is really hating his life.

What would happen if posed nude pictures of an American first lady surfaced?

Loss of office, a guaranteed win for the other party for at least 30 years, having to endure lots of disappointed head shaking from members of Congress and aides all seem plausible. But that would never happen. No serious, aspiring American politician would pick a trophy wife who made her living on baring her body. He would like to, but he wouldn’t. What’s stopping him? Principles. Commitment. Sanctity of marriage.

Bull.

At least the French can afford some honesty with themselves and those to whom they have a responsibility. American politicians play good fathers and faithful husbands for photo ops and at fundraisers only so their families can learn of their perversions and stray behavior from federal agents or the media. A man leaving you for another, younger woman wouldn’t be as shameful or as painful were it not preceded by a façade of decency that culminates in having to put on a sensible skirt and stand with your children on a stage to hear daddy apologize for the first time. Provided that the cameras are rolling. If you’re really lucky you may have to explain to your 12-year-old what a “reverse cowgirl” is, unless he hears it on the news first.    

Whatever those scandalous sex-obsessed French come up with next, you can bet that at least one congressman from your state has done it, except that instead of a supermodel, a page, a prostitute, a leafy substance and a farm animal (or all of the above) were involved. Hell, who needs fine wine to get in the mood?

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