Lucia

de Vernai

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February 4, 2008

You’ll Wait Two Hours to Watch Golf, But You Won’t Vote?

In the two hours it took me to get from the gates of the FBR Open to my car, parked 1.4 miles away, I realized for the first time the amazing power of the sporting event.

The 200,000 attendees were a surprising bunch. Rather than a sea of Cadillac driving, McCain-funding old money making deals on the 16, the stands were filled with 20-somethings in rugby polos double fisting cups of beer chanting “ASU, ASU!” as Phil Mickelson teed off.

The surprising demographics were surely due to the Super Bowl, taking place a few zip codes away the following day. It was apparent that many have never attended a golf tournament before. The number of women in three-inch heels was downright obscene. Still, this is the land of equal opportunity and the ignorant have the right to participate. 

This brings up the next big competition: Super Tuesday. Statistically, most of these people are not going to show up, much less wash their cars or plan outfits around it. Single women and citizens 18-to-25-years-old are most likely to not vote. As a justification, researchers keep hearing “I don’t have the time” or “It’s not going to change anything.”

Well, you apparently had the time to put on full makeup on a Saturday morning and wait in line for two hours to get into the Open, where, sorry princess, you doing the wave in the stands is not going to change anything either.

Dignity and politics have never been a powerful combination, so perhaps it is time for democracy fans to get more aggressive. “The port-a-potties are free, but if you want toilet paper you will have to fill out this voter registration form first, sir.” Judging from yesterday’s lines, the campaign would be a great success.

Why doesn’t Tom Brady get his pretty face on a public service announcement and encourage the American public to be just like him, eating a healthy breakfast, dating a supermodel and proudly sporting an “I Voted Today!” sticker on his jersey?

Politics will probably never be America’s favorite pastime, but having a little input from sports leagues wouldn’t hurt. In fact, sports stars may be able to do what the all-bark “Vote or Die” campaign failed to do for the last election. Then again, it was a conceptual mistake to think that anyone would take anything hawked by Paris Hilton seriously.

National sports events are proof that the American public is anything but lazy or lacking in resilience – word on the street here is that some people waited in the snow to get Super Bowl tickets – so it must be a matter of convincing them that the primaries are equally important. They happen once every four years and will decide the state of your bank account long after you have recovered from buying crap, er, collectibles. The presidential race is just like a sport: You start out with a favorite in the race up to the playoffs and if your candidate doesn’t emerge the winner, then it’s whoever can beat that bitch from New York.

Don’t act like you weren’t thinking it too. Just don’t throw batteries. This time around it would be a hate crime.

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