Lucia

de Vernai

Read Lucia's bio and previous columns

January 14, 2008

Keep Your Midlife Peccadilloes to Yourself, Mr. Politician

Midlife crisis is a serious condition, and politicians are as susceptible to it as everyone else. The Clinton method of dealing with it is far too sticky – no pun intended – to risk your future on. Rather than cheating, balding heads of state are engaging in tabloid-worthy acts.

While Ron Paul calls for a re-love-ution, sustainability proponent Dennis Kucinich sought innovation in his private life by wedding a 29-year-old Brit redhead with a tongue piercing. The French president, who divorced his wife of 12 years last fall, has already proposed to his new, already pregnant, girlfriend. 

Cultural differences aside, constituents unwittingly become an audience to the newest personal drama, and the line between gossip columns and political news becomes blurred. After years of complaining about the simultaneous decline of interest in public affairs and growth in tabloid consumption, the issue is becoming a moot point, but not in the way it should. Instead of a shift in popular interest, the two previously opposed fields have reached the lowest common denominator.

Merely a decade ago, the cry for transparency and consistency in public and private principles challenged America. We asked for it, and we got it. The pulverizing details of the Kenneth Starr report became the inspiration for online groups like “Clinton can be a pimp and still run the country better than Bush can.” There may be some truth to that.

Nevertheless, comb-overs are the industry standard, and they just don’t give you the same prowess that a woman your daughter’s age does. And unless you did work for Halliburton, a drop top may be a bit of a stretch on the budget, so a trophy wife upgrade is really the only viable option.

Whether you find this conduct despicable or you’re ready to high-five your district representative, you’re acutely aware of their conduct. And the novelty and shock wear off fast. Between Britney’s mental illness and Nicole’s out-of-wedlock baby and rehab drama, you start to miss the boring couple with three kids, a church attendance record and golden retriever (and maybe a hamster if you’re particularly open-minded).

There is something rather discouraging about looking to politicians for moral leadership, but this country doesn’t need any more sexual promiscuity and surprise scandals. That’s what the Spears family is for. There is no such thing as a private matter for politicians in a time when even bathroom stalls are being monitored. The issue then is not whether we should know about it, it’s whether they should be doing it.

Yes, marrying a supermodel is not illegal and technically won’t hurt your performance on the job the way “a little blow” would. Pork barrel spending, destroyed tapes and the revolving door come so easily. Why not put the same effort into maneuvering and keeping mum about their personal lives? Having questionable personal behaviors leak, rather than be waived like a “mission accomplished” flag, would help maintain the much-desired feeling of “maybe we’re not going to hell in a hand basket quite yet.” It’s a psychological toupee of sorts. They pretend it’s real, we pretend not to notice. Midlife crisis strategy at its best.

Click here to talk to our writers and editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.

To e-mail feedback about this column, click here. If you enjoy this writer's work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry it.