Jamie

Weinstein

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June 9, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, the McCain Cabinet

It seems that everyone with a pen and paper is speculating about who will be John McCain's running mate. This is an intriguing political game and I don't have much to add to the record that hasn't already been said. If pressed, I would guess that Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is the likely pick given that he is young, conservative and would give an edge to McCain in a region of the country that is expected to be in play this November. But who really knows?

As speculative as it is to try to figure out who McCain will pick as his number two, it is all the more so to begin guessing who McCain might appoint to his Cabinet if he were elected president. But I have an active imagination. So what follows are a handful of Cabinet suggestions for the Arizona senator, admittedly some more serious than others.

Newt Gingrich would make a great Secretary of State. He has a strategic mind. He is one of the smartest guys on either side of the aisle. With all the foreign policy challenges that McCain will face if elected president, Gingrich would be a phenomenal asset to have in the State Department. The problem is, of course, that Gingrich may be tempted to try to upstage his boss. 

There probably would be no better choice at Secretary of Defense than General David Petraeus. He has proven himself one of America's greatest generals. He took over in Iraq when America was on the verge of a historic defeat and created an opportunity for victory. Clearly, he understands how our military needs to be prepared to confront the kind of threats we face or are likely to face. If Petraeus is considering retiring from the military, a McCain Administration would be wise to tap him for this post.

At Attorney General, I think it would show a lot of guts if McCain were to nominate Robert Bork. Bork was, well, "borked" when he was nominated for the Supreme Court by Ronald Reagan in the 1980s. Forget the Super Bowl. The fireworks that would occur when Bork faced his confirmation hearing in front of a Democratic Senate would make for great TV. C-Span's ratings would be astronomical.

Just because John McCain might feel it necessary to throw a bone to Mike Huckabee and his supporters in the likely event he doesn't pick the former Arkansas governor as his running mate, I think it would show some great wisdom if he picked Huckabee supporter Chuck Norris as Secretary for Homeland Security. Who would dare think of attacking America if they first had to get by Norris? If those qualifications weren't enough, Norris did play a Texas Ranger on television. But in the off chance that Sen. McCain finds this suggestion unserious, Joe Lieberman or Rudy Giuliani would make good alternative options.

Mitt Romney's incredibly gracious concession speech should have been enough to earn him a Cabinet Post in a McCain Administration if he is not tapped for the VP slot. As an extraordinarily successful businessman, he would likely make a fantastic Secretary of Commerce or even Secretary of the Treasury.

Mike Huckabee may see it as demeaning, but he would make a tremendous Presidential Press Secretary. If he is anything, he is a great communicator. Sen. Sam Brownback would make a terrific Director of Faith Based and Community Initiatives. And either Ozzy Osborne or Britney Spears would serve fantastically as Drug Czar. They would be living examples of what drugs can do to you. In so doing, either would probably be far more effective than any Drug Czar in the past.

McCain will also have the opportunity to appoint various ambassadors. Who could be a better choice for America's Ambassador to Mexico than Colorado Representative and former presidential contender Tom Tancredo? Well, maybe a lot of people. But it would be funny. Really funny.

Other ambassadorial appointments McCain should consider include:

Ambassador to Saudi Arabia: Jerry Seinfeld
Ambassador to Antarctica: Ann Coulter
Ambassador to Heaven: William F. Buckley, Jr.
Ambassador to China: Lou Dobbs
Ambassador to Sudan: Rambo
Ambassador to Crazyville: Dennis Kucinich
Ambassador to United Nations: Someone who is narcoleptic or deaf (or both).

Finally, as a sign that there are no hard feelings, McCain should appoint Barack Obama to a position in his administration if he were to win in November. A "Team of Rivals," as Doris Kearns Goodwin might say. I can see no better position for Obama than presidential speech writer. No one can deny that Obama's speeches have been masterful. He could even give McCain a speech lesson or two while on the job. I wonder if he would accept.

Coming soon to a column near you, potential Barack Obama presidential appointments.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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