David J.

Pollay

Read David's bio and previous columns

May 26, 2008

Focus + Humility + Questions = Momentum               

Let me check something out with you. Pretend for a moment that your friend, child, spouse, employee or boss said to you: “I would like to learn from you. It would mean a lot to me if you would help me.” How would you feel? My bet is that you would feel great. We all like to believe that we have something to offer the people we care about.

People want to help us when we are humble enough to ask for help.

We demonstrate our curiosity when we seek assistance. We telegraph to the world that we are on a search for new ways to do, see and experience things. Psychologist Todd Kashdan of George Mason University wrote a chapter about the character strength of curiosity in Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson’s book Character Strengths and Virtues. In it, Kashdan reviewed research that showed when people demonstrate curiosity, they learn more, are more engaged at work and perform better academically. Curiosity leads to better performance.

So, this week, let’s ask for help. Here’s our plan:

(1)     Think of two important areas in your life in which you could use some ideas, help or input.

(2)     Write down a few questions you could ask people about these two critical areas.

(3)     Then identify three people you could approach to ask your questions. Choose a friend, a family member and a colleague.

(4)     Finally, ask your questions. But first tell them why you appreciate them (i.e., their perspective, ideas, expertise or their knowledge of you), and ask them if they would be willing to share their thoughts with you about something important to you. When they say “yes” – and they always will – then pose your questions to them.

(5)     Listen with humility. Write down their answers. And thank them for their insights and their time.

What will happen?

First, you will be amazed at how much people will appreciate your reaching out to them: You will have shown respect and interest in them, and for that they will be grateful – even if they do not express it immediately. You will have deepened your relationship with them.

Second, you will be happy to have received help from people you care about and admire. And very importantly, you will have learned something valuable about an area of your life that matters deeply to you.

Your focus on what’s important to you, plus your humility, plus your questions will lead to increased momentum in your life.

And if you want your colleagues, friends, and family to join you on your momentum mission, send this column along to them.

Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

David J. Pollay is the author of Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com). His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this fall. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program and DVD and an internationally sought-after speaker. He is the founder and president of The Momentum Project.  

© 2008 David J. Pollay. Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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