Dan

Calabrese

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June 9, 2008

Behind the Scenes with Barack and Hillary

Last Thursday, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama held a private meeting in the living room of Sen. Dianne Feinstein. No one knows what was said. No aides were present. Even Sen. Feinstein didn’t sit in on the meeting. She was upstairs working.

Fortunately for the sake of the nation and of posterity, our listening devices were there:

Obama: Hillary, it’s really good of you to ask for this meeting. We had a hard-fought and spirited contest, but it wasn’t personal and there are no hard feelings, right?

Clinton: Who said I asked for the meeting? It was you.

Obama: That wasn’t my underst – you know, you’re right. I guess it was me. At any rate, I know it’s an emotional time after the end of such a difficult undertaking, but I really do hope we can all come together in a unified manner for the fall campaign. Beating McCain won’t be easy.

Clinton: Especially for you, since you lost most of the battleground states. Not that I’m here to focus on that. Barack, congratulations on gaining the number of delegates defined as necessary for the nomination according to the way the DNC has chosen to define it at this particular moment.

Obama: Congratulations for what? You mean for winning the nomination.

Clinton: The number of delegates listed in your column at the moment, including superdelegates, who could of course change their minds at any time, is in excess of the number that’s been arbitrarily established. That’s a noteworthy achievement. I want to note it.

Obama: Well . . . I’m grateful for your, uh, noting. That said, the fall campaign is going to be a tough one. You have proven to be a very accomplished campaigner . . .

Clinton: Especially in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Texas, my goodness, West Virginia. I beat you by 40 percentage points there. I can’t believe people were calling for me to get out of the race. It’s as if the people of West Virginia don’t matter. Shouldn’t they get respect?

Obama: Of course they should, Hillary. That was an impressive performance. And that’s exactly where I know you can be so valuable. Those voters who supported you, they need to know that we really share the same values. They need to know that I will fight for them just like you would have.

Clinton: Would have? I’m not going to stop fighting for them! For the factory worker who has to mow lawns on the weekend to pay for his sister’s operation! For the mother who has to hold bake sales to send body armor to her son in Iraq!

Obama: Of course, Hillary. Of course you’ll keep fighting for them . . .

Clinton: For the woman who was turned away by the emergency room staff because she couldn’t come up with $100 cash!

Obama: I don’t think that last one was actually true.

Clinton: You know . . . you know . . . you probably just think she’s bitter. Is that what you think, Barack?

Obama: Hillary, my point is that the folks in these situations need to know that I’ll be a champion for them in the White House. And they trust you. You can re-assure them that President Obama will be on their side. Can I count on you to join our effort and help bring about the change Americans are looking for?

Clinton: Well, about that, you know, I won 18 million votes. I think that should count for something.

Obama: Such as . . .

Clinton: Oh, you know, I’m not suggesting anything specific. I just think the people who wanted to see Hillary Clinton back in the White House – knowing my experience, my readiness, my intelligence, my ovaries – can’t just be told, well, you know, that’s just too bad.

Obama: Well, it was a tough close race. There can only be one nominee, of course.

Clinton: Yes, of course, that’s true. There can only be one nominee. And there can only be one winner in November. I guess you want my voters to support you. Well, you know, the key here is respect, Barack. Respect for me, er, uh, I mean for them. They fought hard. They had dreams. They’ve put up with 33 years of indignities at the hands of a man you couldn’t trust any further than you could throw a piece of fried chicken past him.

Obama: They have?

Clinton: Oh, you know, not important.

Obama: Hillary, is there something you want? Something you want to ask me for? Something you want me to do?

Clinton: Barack, you know, I’m not angling for anything here.

Obama: OK then. Good.

Clinton: I mean, not that I would necessarily rule out accepting.

Obama: Accepting what, Hillary?

Clinton: What? Accepting what? Oh, you know, we all have decisions to make. You. Me. My supporters. They’ll be watching what you do, Barack.

Obama: With respect to what, Hillary?

Clinton: Barack, I think there are times when the meanings of ideas and the meanings of words have to come to your ear in a certain way.

Obama: You’re right, Hillary. I think I remember your husband making a similar statement about the meaning of words. I seem to recall having about the same reaction I’m having right now.

Clinton: Then you hear what I’m saying.

Obama: So very well, Hillary. So very, very well.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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