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June 9, 2008
Behind the Scenes
with Barack and Hillary
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama held a private meeting in the living
room of Sen. Dianne Feinstein. No one knows what was said. No aides were
present. Even Sen. Feinstein didnít sit in on the meeting. She was
Fortunately for the
sake of the nation and of posterity, our listening devices were there:
Hillary, itís really good of you to ask for this meeting. We had a
hard-fought and spirited contest, but it wasnít personal and there are
no hard feelings, right?
Who said I asked for the meeting? It was you.
That wasnít my underst Ė you know, youíre right. I guess it was me. At
any rate, I know itís an emotional time after the end of such a
difficult undertaking, but I really do hope we can all come together in
a unified manner for the fall campaign. Beating McCain wonít be easy.
Especially for you, since you lost most of the battleground states. Not
that Iím here to focus on that. Barack, congratulations on gaining the
number of delegates defined as necessary for the nomination according to
the way the DNC has chosen to define it at this particular moment.
what? You mean for winning the nomination.
The number of delegates listed in your column at the moment, including
superdelegates, who could of course change their minds at any time, is
in excess of the number thatís been arbitrarily established. Thatís a
noteworthy achievement. I want to note it.
Well . . . Iím grateful for your, uh, noting. That said, the fall
campaign is going to be a tough one. You have proven to be a very
accomplished campaigner . . .
Especially in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Texas, my goodness, West Virginia. I
beat you by 40 percentage points there. I canít believe people were
calling for me to get out of the race. Itís as if the people of West
Virginia donít matter. Shouldnít they get respect?
Of course they
should, Hillary. That was an impressive performance. And thatís exactly
where I know you can be so valuable. Those voters who supported you,
they need to know that we really share the same values. They need to
know that I will fight for them just like you would have.
Would have? Iím not going to stop fighting for them! For the factory
worker who has to mow lawns on the weekend to pay for his sisterís
operation! For the mother who has to hold bake sales to send body armor
to her son in Iraq!
Of course, Hillary.
Of course youíll keep fighting for them . . .
For the woman who was turned away by the emergency room staff because
she couldnít come up with $100 cash!
I donít think that
last one was actually true.
. . . you know . . . you probably just think sheís bitter. Is that what
you think, Barack?
Hillary, my point is that the folks in these situations need to know
that Iíll be a champion for them in the White House. And they trust you.
You can re-assure them that President Obama will be on their side. Can I
count on you to join our effort and help bring about the change
Americans are looking for?
Well, about that, you know, I won 18 million votes. I think that should
count for something.
Such as . . .
know, Iím not suggesting anything specific. I just think the people who
wanted to see Hillary Clinton back in the White House Ė knowing my
experience, my readiness, my intelligence, my ovaries Ė canít just be
told, well, you know, thatís just too bad.
Well, it was a tough
close race. There can only be one nominee, of course.
course, thatís true. There can only be one nominee. And there can only
be one winner in November. I guess you want my voters to support you.
Well, you know, the key here is respect, Barack. Respect for me, er, uh,
I mean for them. They fought hard. They had dreams. Theyíve put up with
33 years of indignities at the hands of a man you couldnít trust any
further than you could throw a piece of fried chicken past him.
know, not important.
Hillary, is there
something you want? Something you want to ask me for? Something you want
me to do?
you know, Iím not angling for anything here.
OK then. Good.
not that I would necessarily rule out accepting.
Accepting what? Oh, you know, we all have decisions to make. You. Me. My
supporters. Theyíll be watching what you do, Barack.
With respect to
think there are times when the meanings of ideas and the meanings of
words have to come to your ear in a certain way.
Hillary. I think I remember your husband making a similar statement
about the meaning of words. I seem to recall having about the same
reaction Iím having right now.
hear what Iím saying.
So very well,
Hillary. So very, very well.
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