Bob
Batz
Read Bob's bio and previous columns
March 31, 2008
Rooching for
Thingamajigs
I
noticed the other day that a new and really cute little phrase has
worked its way into my first wife Sally’s rather extensive vocabulary.
The phrase is “I need that.”
Sally most frequently uses the phrase when we are prowling the narrow
aisles at one of those discount department stores and she spots some
totally useless item that’s worth maybe 19 cents tops, but is on sale
for a limited time only for $27.99.
“I
need that,” she declares, tugging on my shirt sleeve.
After a moment of silence, I usually ask, “What?”
“That doohickey over there,” she replies, pointing to a shelf that is
groaning under of weight of about 6,321 totally useless items.
Let me interject right here that my mother also had special words for
all things she didn’t have regular words for.
Mom’s favorite words also included “thingamajig” and “doohickey” and, of
course, the ever-popular “whatchamacallit”.
Mom didn’t purchase silly things, of course, because my parents survived
the Great Depression and for the rest of their lives they never spent
money on things they thought they didn’t need. Case in point:
When television came along, my father refused to buy a TV set because,
as he often put it, “It’ll never replace radio,” which forced me to
spend many bitter cold winter evenings standing on the sidewalk to watch
the TV set that was in the front window of an appliance store two blocks
from my home.
Sally, on the other hand, is just the opposite of my father. Certain
things attract her attention more than others.
Turn her loose in a discount store and she’ll fill a shopping cart in a
matter of seconds. Her favorite stores aren’t those establishments that
display their items neatly on shelves. Instead, she prefers stores that
buy useless items by the millions, then scatters them haphazardly on
counter tops and crams them into plastic containers as large as
four-door Cadillacs.
Yes, my wife is in her glory when she’s rooching – another of my
mother’s words – around in those containers.
“Why are you rooching around in that container?” I ask.
“Because I might find something really good in here,” she replies.
When she’s shopping, Sally’s favorite things include – but are not
limited to – purses, cookbooks, earrings, pet toys, gloves and more
purses.
In
Sally’s defense, however, she has found some really neat things in
plastic containers over the years.
All four of them.
© 2008
North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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