Cindy
Droog
Read Cindy's bio and previous columns
December 24, 2007
Don’t Make Me Bobby Hurley! It’s the New Mom Work Dictionary
You know those Word of
the Day calendars? Before I go back to work from my maternity leave, I’m
going to have to buy one of them. Because the vocabulary words that my
husband and I have been using since our newborn came along won’t mean
anything to my coworkers. In fact, it might make them consider checking
me in to the funny farm.
A burrito is no longer
something that I’d ask a coworker to pick up for me while she’s down in
the employee cafeteria at noon on a day full of meetings. Not even
close. Instead, burrito is now a verb that means, “wrap the baby as
tightly as possible in his blanket, so he can sleep better tonight.”
Just like in an
elementary school spelling bee, you are probably asking how I might use
this word in a sentence. That’s easy.
“Honey, can you burrito
the baby while I make his bottle?”
In the office, a
package is something that the mailroom delivers. When I get one, it’s
usually from a vendor with whom I’ve worked, trying to woo more of my
business with a basket of cheese, or a notepad cube and matching pencil.
Trust me. I enjoy those
packages a lot more than the “package” of my new vocabulary where the
translation is dirty diaper. Again, here is how my husband and I would
currently use this in a sentence:
“I took care of the
last package – can you get this one while I run downstairs and get the
laundry out of the dryer?” Or, we might be overheard in a restaurant,
after a return from the restroom changing table saying, “That was the
grossest package we’ve had in a week!”
I suppose if I referred
to a package I received at work as gross, I’d have a line of people
outside of my cubicle who’d still be happy to take the gift off my
hands. It’s always amazed me, especially around Christmastime, how even
smelly cheese can exponentially increase one’s number of cubicle
visitors. Not so with my current interpretation of the word package.
When it comes to that, it’s just me or my husband. And that’s on the
weekends. During the week, taking care of packages is a solo mission.
And finally, when I’m
at work, I might refer to Bobby Hurley during a casual conversation
about former NCAA basketball stars. I love college sports, and my
coworkers all know this. I also met Hurley, a Duke superstar during my
own university years, once in a bar in New Jersey.
Bobby probably won’t
like this, but around our house, our toddler son has pulled a “Bobby
Hurley” when he’s thrown up. It’s winter, he has a little stomach bug,
and there’s been a few more Bobby Hurleys around our house the past few
weeks than usual.
I’m sorry, Bobby. I’ve
always been a big admirer of yours, but I just don’t like the words
“throw up,” “vomit,” or – the most detestable – “puke.” So, Bobby
Hurley it is. Besides it’s quite fun when used in a sentence when I’m on
the phone with my father-in-law. “Dad, I have to get off the phone now.
Anthony just Bobby Hurleyed all over the Christmas tree skirt.”
I keep reminding myself
that I have just seven short weeks before I return to work. Then, I’ll
have to go back to the language native to my fellow corporate
executives.
But I can’t help but
wonder if my new words could mean something in the workplace. I don’t
know about you, but I’ve had days where I’d like nothing better than to
burrito myself into my cubicle, when I could refer to someone’s Power
Point presentation as equally enticing as one of my newborn’s packages,
and when I’ve considered faking a Bobby Hurley to get out of a painful
meeting.
Fortunately, those days
are few and far between. And I should be able to keep my New Mom
Dictionary where it belongs – at home.
© 2007 North Star Writers
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