The

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December 24, 2007

Winning the War of the Omelet

There is debate, raging always, about how to make the perfect omelet. It has sparked violence, and it is said that there was serious discussion at the Constitutional Convention of excluding talk of omelets from the First Amendment on the grounds that it produced such discord. In fact, it’s said that the Burr-Hamilton duel was actually over the great “two or three egg” controversy.

Both men, sadly, were wrong, because the perfect omelet starts with two-and-a-half eggs, lightly beaten with just a dash of milk. The end result should be a mixture that is evenly colored a nice, white yellow. Some suggest that perhaps you substitute water, for milk tends to burn. The answer to this, he says with raised fists, is if you pay attention to what you’re doing this won’t be a problem.

Some have suggested that you can achieve this quickly, and also mix in a little air, in a food processor. The decision is, naturally, yours to make – especially if it helps to avoid bloodshed – and if you prefer taking the easy way out, it is acceptable.

The next step is to grease the bottom of a pan. Butter is preferable, although a nice, light coating of olive oil is also acceptable. Your pan should be round, and big enough that the eggs can spread along the bottom to a nice, light coating.

It is preferable, in this case, to use a cast iron skillet, because those tend to spread heat much better than flimsier made alternatives (and, in the case of Teflon, are less likely to some day give you brain cancer).

Keep the heat on medium, especially if you are the kind of person who is easily distracted. We are not striving for good enough here, but for perfect. And perfect is not a forgiving creature.

When your skillet bottom is warm but not quite hot, pour your eggs into the bottom and allow them to fill out a perfect circle. In the center, you will add the filling. Most people will tell you that that you will eventually flip half your omelet onto the other half and create what would appear to be a taco with a shell constructed of egg. We are after a different shape here.

For our purposes, the perfect omelet filling includes some fresh tarragon and shredded Swiss cheese. In the name of peace and non-violence, however, this should be left to the tastes of the individual (even if the individual is wrong, he says while cocking a revolver).

Place the fresh tarragon and Swiss cheese in an even layer at the center of the circle of setting egg.

Once the egg has solidified, flip each rounded edge inward until you have created what appears to not be a taco with shell constructed of egg. You may even consider it to be a form of burrito with a shell of egg.

Once you have created the packet, flip the entire thing over and let it cook for a minute or two. This will seal the envelope, as it were, and also melt the cheese inside.

Put on a plate, and mock the efforts of others. Prepare to fight.

© 2007 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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