|
Nathaniel
Shockey
Read Nathaniel's bio and previous columns
here
October 8, 2007
The Arbitrary Nature
of Humanity
In one particular strip of my favorite comic, Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin
lets go of a helium-filled balloon and says, “Gravity is arbitrary.”
Arbitrary is a great word. It’s awkward to pronounce, which is what I
like about it. You won’t happen upon too many amateur English-speakers
who can say it correctly – too many “r”s.
The word “arbitrary” comes from the Latin word “arbiter”, which means
“one who goes somewhere as a witness or judge.” Actually, the earliest
English form of the word is “arbitress,” which meant a woman who settles
disputes. I think this is incredibly interesting, considering the way
women were viewed in the 14th century – highly emotional and
irrational.
If you take this view of women (degenerate as it may be) and plug it
into the concept of “a woman who settles disputes,” I think that may be
the best explanation for how we arrived at our current definition of
arbitrary.
Despite having the same root, “arbitrary” has strayed considerably from
the term “arbiter.” For example, I can think of no better example for
the modern definition of arbitrary than a baseball umpire. An umpire’s
ruling of balls and strikes is never, ever the same. Throw the exact
same pitch two times in a row and it is very possible to get a ball and
a strike. And oddly, if you throw the same pitch six inches outside the
strike zone enough times, the umpire begins to call it a strike. They
try to be consistent, to govern justly, but sometimes the judgments are
nearly impossible to make with certainty. This really sucks sometimes,
because one pitch can very easily determine the outcome of the game.
Balls and strikes are arbitrary.
Some police officers will give you a ticket for driving 70 in a 55.
Others won’t. And to make matters even more asinine, the same officer
might give you a ticket one day for doing 75 in a 65 and let you go the
next. The whole situation is incredibly frustrating because you never
really know how much you can push it before you’re in danger of getting
robbed of $100 and 20 minutes of your life. Speeding tickets are
arbitrary.
Although most of us make arbitrary judgments on an hourly basis, what we
all long for is something consistent. What everyone fears is an
inconsistent Supreme Court Justice – an arbitrary arbiter. Granted, we
all have our biases and interpretations of what is just or unjust,
constitutional or unconstitutional, but what we really want is someone
who will know and understand the U.S. Constitution and judge
accordingly.
We wish the same idea for our leaders. We want to elect people who will
be consistently objective – ruling based on reason and history. We don’t
need any more opportunists, following the way that seems most popular at
the time, leading us God knows where as long as they finish their term
without too tarnished a legacy. There is nothing more disappointing than
electing someone who says they stand for one thing, only to see them
eventually bend or break under pressure.
Unfortunately, although we’ve only ever voted for an arbiter, what we
most often get is an arbitress.
But I think the truth of all this is that humans can only ever be
arbitrary. Our minds are always changing, evolving, getting smarter,
dumber or maybe just older. It isn’t really possible to find someone who
always gets it right. The important thing is that we are always
striving, and I think one of the most amazing human traits is the
ability to begin so stupidly and yet grow to such impressive heights of
reason and conviction. This is what people mean when they talk about
character. It is having the courage and discipline to change.
Basketball, hockey, football and even tennis have all adopted the
official review to ensure just officiating. They’ll stop a game for
several minutes to use every possible camera angle to make sure they
arrive at the correct call. But baseball hasn’t, and I’m not sure it
ever will. In a way, I think baseball is incredibly wise. I think that
as technology becomes increasingly involved, the game and its players
begin to lose their natural instinct to evolve. But in baseball, the
strike zone can get lower, it could get higher or smaller, and pitchers
can continue to earn their strikes on the outside corners by pegging the
same location enough times. The game is alive, just like everyone who
loves to play it. Perhaps part of the beauty of baseball lies in its
inherently arbitrary nature.
In a way, there is something beautiful about people and their arbitrary
nature, the way we struggle to find consistency in lives full of
uncertainty and change. We scrape and claw for the tiniest morsel of
truth, even if all we ever find is helium balloons.
© 2007
North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
Click here to talk to our writers and
editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.
To e-mail feedback
about this column,
click here. If you enjoy this writer's
work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry
it.
This is Column #
NS077.
Request permission to publish here. |
