Mike
Ball
Read Mike's bio and previous columns here
October 15, 2007
Specify ‘Non-Ripoff’
and Have Fun on eBay!
I’ve discovered something at least as addictive as caffeine, alcohol,
tobacco, cocaine, heroin or even Chex Mix (the really good homemade
kind, with way too much garlic salt). At this moment, millions of people
around the world are sitting, huddled, alone, sweating, shaking,
counting down the seconds until they can “get right” with their next
“fix.”
I’m talking, of course, about eBay, the Internet equivalent of the
bazaar at Marrakech. This is the well-known online auction service where
you can buy anything from clothespins to cattle prods, often paying less
than 70 times the actual value of the item.
eBay was founded in 1995 by Pierre Omidyar, a computer programmer who
allegedly wanted to help his fiancée buy and sell PEZ candy dispensers.
The first item actually sold on eBay was a broken laser pointer,
purchased for $14.83 (plus shipping) by a guy who, it turns out, is a
noted collector of broken laser pointers.
On this rock solid intellectual foundation, a cultural icon for the 21st
Century was born.
I
recently decided to take my first dip in the eBay pool when I needed a
microphone, and I just did not want to mess around with all the messy
warranties and buyer’s confidence that go along with buying a new one.
So I went to eBay and did a search on the word “microphone.”
The first listing that popped up looked interesting. There was a
photograph, a little out of focus, of an object that appeared to be
exactly the kind of microphone I was looking for. Next to the picture
was a compelling item title:
mik - lik nu bargin!!!!!
Bids:15,Price: $27.50, Time Left: 18 min.
Wow! A lik nu bargin!! And with less than 20 minutes left in the
auction, the price was only up to $27.50! With trembling fingers I
clicked for more information. I was greeted with a larger out-of-focus
photograph of the microphone-like object and a detailed technical
description of the equipment:
It kind look like real
gud mikrofon so probly is. shiping to usa $45
After several minutes of forehead-wrinkling thought I decided that the
shipping charges looked a little steep on this otherwise fantastic
bargain.
In less than nine hours I had worked my way almost a quarter of the way
through all the microphones for sale on eBay. With a little
experimentation I learned that I could narrow down my quest by changing
the search to “Microphone – Not A Transparent Scam,” which took the
number of items found from 12,452 to 11.
I
finally picked out what looked like the perfect microphone for me. It
was time to take my first shot at making a purchase, so with trembling
fingers I entered an amount - $2 – above the “current bid.”
The screen immediately flashed, a loud “BOOP” sounded, and huge red
letters appeared shouting, “YOU’VE BEEN OUTBID!” It turns out that eBay
has an automatic bidding system, where you can enter the highest amount
you’re willing to pay for something and the computer will automatically
outbid newcomers by a dollar or two, until either the auction passes
your maximum bid or the time runs out.
So I entered what I thought the microphone was worth, including the $10
“shipping and handling” fee, and sat back to watch the fun. Then, as the
last few minutes ticked down and with my bid still in the lead, I felt
the adrenaline start to take over.
With two minutes to go, a cascade of bids passed mine. Only my
fumble-fingered keyboard technique kept me from jumping back into the
fray to buy that used microphone for a final price that was about $3
more than it would have cost new in the box at the music store.
Over the next week, I repeated this ritual a few times until I developed
my own never-fail bidding method. All I do is enter my maximum bid, then
have my wife lock me in the linen closet until it’s all over. Using this
technique I eventually did get my used microphone, and at a great price.
Now I need a cord to attach it to the amplifier.
eBay Search: “Microphone Cables – Probably Not Blatant Rip-off.”
Copyright © 2007,
Michael Ball.
Distributed exclusively by
North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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