Lucia

de Vernai

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December 24, 2007

Naomi Campbell Reporting: The Most Absurd of 2007

Of the many words that describe the events of the past year, absurd tops the list. Recounting them all would be an arduous and repetitive process, so the following recount of ridiculous events in the news will serve as the representative of 2007. 

Sophistication has never been a strong suit of Canadians, and Prime Minster Stephen Harper lived up his country’s reputation when he told a television station that “I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl." Analogy skills low, but points for good observation. To be fair, unlike some world leaders, Harper was aware of his gaffe as soon as he committed it – it was in reference to other politicians’ refusal to meet with the Lama in public. A strong critic of the Chinese government and its human rights violations, Harper met with strict disapproval from China when Canada granted the Lama Canadian citizenship earlier this year.

Speaking of call girls and interviews, assistant-abusing supermodel Naomi Campbell is now posing as a journalist. Her fondness for phone throwing as a means of emotional expression has put Russell Crowe to shame and her on the cover of W magazine, which documented her court-ordered community service in a special spread featuring a sparkling Dolce & Gabbana gown. Perhaps because of her ability to make a joke of the United States’ justice system, Venezuelan president and fellow attention-starved aging icon Hugo Chavez granted her an interview. Just when we thought successful journalism requires more than being pretty and dressing well . . . watch your back Anderson Cooper.        

Speaking of watching your back, martial arts star Chuck Norris is experimenting with a new style of fighting – through the courts. Norris is suing publishing house Penguin, who recently released an unauthorized tome titled "The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human." Apparently Norris is concerned that the wider public will not be able to handle the shock when they find out that his tears in fact do not, I repeat do not, heal cancer.

Yet while some are shunning the public eye, others welcome it. Take the Queen of England, who now has her own channel on YouTube.com, right in time for her annual Christmas speech to make it "more accessible to younger people and those in other countries". Sounds like a great idea. Now no one can accuse the royals of being out of touch with the common man. After all, “de Vernaiy, put down the Wii and come listen to the Queen” just has that special ring to it. The Christmas message will also be available as a podcast. Joy to the world.

Unlike millennia-long conflicts or natural disasters, events like these are empty and devoid of any inspiring value. In certain instances, they are grotesque and, in their superficiality, serve as the most poignant examples of the moral and social decay around us. Seeing pictures of a model clad in a $3,500 fur, traveling to Havana because a bored editor is excited by the potential selling point, is the juxtaposition of serious and stupid, impoverished and embroidered.

It is difficult to discern what is of vital importance when, in the name of postmodern experimentalism, the boundaries of intellectual decency are blurred. Still, the lowest points are the ones that make us look forward to what is next. It may not be better. But it is bound to be interesting.

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