Read Bob's bio and previous columns
December 10, 2007
Come On: ‘Looks Like
New’; Translation: Isn’t
Next time you have a
little spare time and you’re looking for a laugh or two, pick up one of
those magazines you find at newsstands everywhere.
I’m talking about
the magazines that are filled with advertisements for cars, vans,
trucks, boats and airplanes for sale.
Some of the
magazines are free. Others cost a buck or two. The come-ons are worth
the price in laughs.
Like those that
promise “Great gas mileage.” Translated, that means “Only starts every
Here are a few more
examples . . .
vehicle.” Translation: And that owner has been trying to dump it on
somebody else for three years with no luck at all.
Come-on: “Runs like
a top.” Translation: Most days it just sits there with its wheels
Come-on: “Good daily
driver.” Translation: But don’t drive it at night because the electrical
system is shot.
Translation: So was its owner when he placed this ad.
miles.” Translation: Low two-hundred-and-fifty-thousands.
Come-on: “Must see.”
Translation: But don’t drive it.
Translation: The top fell off three weeks ago and we can’t find it.
condition.” Translation: It’ll cost you a mint to get it running again.
perfect.” Translation: Runs horrible.
Come-on: “Driven on
weekends only.” Translation: In demolition derbies.
Come-on: “No rust.”
Translation: Just holes.
Come-on: “Looks like
new.” Translation: Isn’t.
wheel. Come to think of it, the truck, tires, rear doors and steering
wheel have tilts to them, too.” Translation: $250 cash could take it.
$7,339. Now $1,500.” Translation: Wait a week or so and it could be
Come-on: “35 K
miles.” Translation: K is for kazillion.
locally.” Translation: Can’t be trusted on a trip longer than five
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