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February 25, 2009
Sauerkraut: Intelligent Life on Earth
There are people whose first thought about sauerkraut is this: “Can it
be considered life?”
answer is: “Yes, there can be no denying that sauerkraut is its own form
of life.” The reasons are fairly straightforward. When you try to take
your first bite of sauerkraut, you will learn that it will try to bite
you back. If this doesn’t describe life, then all definitions of life
are without meaning.
this form of life came into existence is perhaps something best left to
is also true that kielbasa is also life. The reason for this is that
there is at work in kielbasa a very easily recognizable intelligence. If
you look at a kielbasa and this intelligence is not evident then the
problem is yours. Do not blame your own shortcomings on intelligent
two – kielbasa and sauerkraut – have a symbiotic relationship. Each
gains from the other. That is why you find them so often together. They
are as closely linked as Fred and Ginger, or even Bert and Ernie.
the two get from each other is a matter of long conjecture. Questions
have been asked, but both food items have so far proven smart enough to
keep their motivations to themselves. You can try this out at home by
posing the questions yourself. Ask, and there will be silence. Ask
again, and you will again be greeted by silence. Ask a third time, and
you begin to feel outmatched by food. If this is not a sign of advanced
intelligence, then how we determine evidence is today deeply flawed.
Begin the union of the two by cutting the kielbasa into half-inch
chunks. Do not worry about destroying an intelligence that we do not
understand. It is presumed that the kielbasa’s intelligence is so
advanced that it is decentralized throughout its body. Besides, it is a
well-established fact that a chopped-apart kielbasa will spawn new
kielbasas from the requisite chunks. Were it not such a tasty food, you
could open a kielbasa ranch.
Throw these into some heated oil with some garlic, onion and green
pepper. If you have the top – the scape – use this, for it will add some
flavor. Cook these, and the kielbasa will release some of the stored
fats and juices into the bottom of the pan.
those are soft, add a bag’s worth of sauerkraut, diced potatoes and
sliced up carrots and celery. Top with enough chicken broth or water to
comes the hard part, which is waiting for the water to cook down and the
potatoes to soften. Go read a book. Take a nap. Learn to speak a
different language. Self improvement is the hardest work of all.
Return to your stew. It should be thick, and the vegetables mostly
tender. It is ready to eat.
Perhaps you now feel like asking sauerkraut and kielbasa how both have
advanced so far. Listen. You will hear only the sound of silence. Smart
North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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