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January 28, 2009

Fulfilling the Vision of Bob Omelet


What was the original intent of the omelet?


Although it is impossible to ask the original creator of the first omelet – Bob Omelet was lost into an interdimensional rift during the Hollandaise Incident of 1561 – we can speculate based on the construction of an omelet. Most omelets consist of beaten egg and milk folded over internal ingredients like green pepper, onion and ham. We can, without fear of being seriously questioned, deduce that the intent was to make a taco for breakfast, substituting egg for the tortilla.


Now that we know the original intent of the first omelet, the next natural question is how to subvert the omelet.


Normally to make an omelet, you whisk eggs and milk together. This is how things were meant to be. We don’t know the original reasoning behind it, so let us assume that it was flawed thinking.


The best kind of subversion takes place at something’s foundation. In this case, the pairing of egg and milk. That means either by not using one of the ingredients or by substitution.


You may attempt the route through deleting an ingredient, perhaps considering making the first eggless omelet. This, however, leads you to try to make an omelet with only a pan full of milk. A noble experiment, perhaps, and while no one should deter the experimentally minded, let us jump to the end product and say that what you will always have is a pan full of milk.


If your mission is to subvert an omelet, it must be through substitution and your route to success runs through the milk.


Beat two eggs into a bowl, until the color is consistent, and then fold into this a healthy spoonful of ricotta cheese.


No way, you say.


Whey, I say. Queue laugh track, since everyone knows that ricotta is a derivative of milk whey.


The ricotta will even out and the mixture will become very smooth while retaining much of its liquidity. You have convinced the egg that you have added milk because you have added a dairy-like substitute. But your substitute is nothing like milk.


You could consider your work here finished and sit down for breakfast, but then you’d realized that you just subverted your own breakfast. While this might not trouble you, it does remain uncooked which makes enjoying it as food somewhat problematic.


Heat a skillet and add some olive oil. Pour the egg and ricotta omelet base into the pan and let cover the bottom evenly. Meanwhile, pull out from hiding a combination of chopped Shiitake mushroom, leaf spinach and grated Parmesan cheese. All good schemes to subvert something include advanced preparations for what to do once things begin to happen.


Once the egg and ricotta blend begin to set, add a layer of fresh spinach leaves over the entire thing and in the middle place the mushroom and Parmesan. When the egg is just firm, flip one side over the other. Heat for a few minutes and slide onto a plate.


© 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.


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