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January 28, 2009
Fulfilling the Vision
of Bob Omelet
What was the original intent of the omelet?
Although it is impossible
to ask the original creator of the first omelet – Bob Omelet was lost
into an interdimensional rift during the Hollandaise Incident of 1561 –
we can speculate based on the construction of an omelet. Most omelets
consist of beaten egg and milk folded over internal ingredients like
green pepper, onion and ham. We can, without fear of being seriously
questioned, deduce that the intent was to make a taco for breakfast,
substituting egg for the tortilla.
Now that we know the
original intent of the first omelet, the next natural question is how to
subvert the omelet.
Normally to make an
omelet, you whisk eggs and milk together. This is how things were meant
to be. We don’t know the original reasoning behind it, so let us assume
that it was flawed thinking.
The best kind of
subversion takes place at something’s foundation. In this case, the
pairing of egg and milk. That means either by not using one of the
ingredients or by substitution.
You may attempt the route
through deleting an ingredient, perhaps considering making the first
eggless omelet. This, however, leads you to try to make an omelet with
only a pan full of milk. A noble experiment, perhaps, and while no one
should deter the experimentally minded, let us jump to the end product
and say that what you will always have is a pan full of milk.
If your mission is to
subvert an omelet, it must be through substitution and your route to
success runs through the milk.
Beat two eggs into a
bowl, until the color is consistent, and then fold into this a healthy
spoonful of ricotta cheese.
No way, you say.
Whey, I say. Queue laugh
track, since everyone knows that ricotta is a derivative of milk whey.
The ricotta will even out
and the mixture will become very smooth while retaining much of its
liquidity. You have convinced the egg that you have added milk because
you have added a dairy-like substitute. But your substitute is nothing
You could consider your
work here finished and sit down for breakfast, but then you’d realized
that you just subverted your own breakfast. While this might not trouble
you, it does remain uncooked which makes enjoying it as food somewhat
Heat a skillet and add
some olive oil. Pour the egg and ricotta omelet base into the pan and
let cover the bottom evenly. Meanwhile, pull out from hiding a
combination of chopped Shiitake mushroom, leaf spinach and grated
Parmesan cheese. All good schemes to subvert something include advanced
preparations for what to do once things begin to happen.
Once the egg and ricotta
blend begin to set, add a layer of fresh spinach leaves over the entire
thing and in the middle place the mushroom and Parmesan. When the egg is
just firm, flip one side over the other. Heat for a few minutes and
slide onto a plate.
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