Read The Laughing Chef's bio and previous
November 26, 2008
Showdown at the
Somewhere outside, you hear the rumble of a motorcycle. It
stops, and there are the sounds of boots hitting the ground heavily
followed by a dramatic silence. The door swings open, and the hands of
nervous onlookers instinctively drop to holstered pistols.
Somewhere, a guitar
strums in dramatic silence.
Standing there, is a
jalapeno pepper. It leans against the door frame, and tips back its
cowboy hat. The tension rises. Will there be violence, or will the
pepper make bold advances on someone’s wife?
The answer is the sound
of flint striking steel. Seconds later, there is a cherry red glowing
rod sticking out of the pepper’s mouth.
It’s no ordinary jalapeno
pepper. It’s a chipotle. It is one of the kitchen’s natural-born rebels.
Another one of the
kitchen’s great rebels isn’t nearly as obvious, however. It’s whitefish.
Whitefish has the
reputation as being something of a delicate flower. You nuance its
flavor with dill and butter. What you don’t do is let it get walked all
over by something as powerful as a jalapeno pepper.
What you maybe don’t
consider is the whitefish’s own rebel streak. It is prone to smoking,
although it doesn’t strike quite the same pose as the jalapeno pepper.
They make an attractive
pair, smoked whitefish and chipotle pepper.
Flake the fish apart and
finely chop canned chipotle peppers. Mix them together in a bowl, and
grab a taste. You will notice that they are bound by their shared
smokiness. There is a brief taste of fish followed by a pleasurable
It is an attractive pair,
and will draw around them their own kind of gang. The accomplices are
cream cheese, which you first stir into the fish and pepper.
Stir until the cream
cheese is evenly distributed amongst the fish and chopped chipotle
You will have achieved
your goal when it takes on the consistency of drying cement. Lubricate
with the juice of one freshly squeezed lemon.
Once you have restored
things to a state where they can be more easily mixed, add some sliced
green onions, chopped black olives, a smattering of garlic powder and
salt and pepper. Mix it all together to visual consistency.
The gang has been
gathered. The rebels, chipotle and smoked whitefish, and their
surrounding cast. You will want to find some useful purpose for them, or
else the gang will scoot out the door and you won’t see them again until
they’re standing in front of a local convenience store, hassling the
shopkeeper and using harsh language.
You can occupy their
attentions better by delivering the spread to a roomful of guests.
It might seem predictable
that the proper delivery vehicle would be a tortilla chip, but this
could be taken as an insult to the chipotle whitefish spread gang.
Hostages could be taken.
Instead, cut several
tortilla chips into pieces and fry in canola oil until golden brown.
Remove, drain and lightly salt. What you have is a chip that can deliver
the spread without the threat of ensuing violence.
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