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January 30, 2008
Deviled Eggs: Do the
Prince of Darkness Proud
Anyone who’s ever been on a picnic or had a meal involving
a buffet is familiar with the deviled egg. Mashed up yolk and mayonnaise
and mustard, and perhaps a touch of horseradish, placed into the
hollowed-out section of a hard boiled egg and dusted with paprika.
A body’s cholesterol
count begins to tick upward just thinking about it.
Yet, one can’t help but
wonder how this involves devils and whether Lucifer himself sold naming
rights at some point. One also can’t help but wonder whether the
pronunciation has been warped over the years, and that this brand of
buffet food should actually be de-viled eggs, alluding to the very real
potential that the original chef disliked the chalky texture of egg yolk
unmixed with mayo and mustard.
Let us move past that and
into an effort to make the name precise. Let us dance with
We shall assume the
boiled egg. If you cannot reach this point without how-to directions, it
would be wise for you to avoid going further. One imagines that you
cannot lose your immortal soul through a mere culinary act, but most
would agree that the stakes are a little too high to take the risk.
We shall also assume that
the egg has been cooled, cut in half and the yolks removed.
Place your yolks in a
bowl with some Dijon mustard, ground black pepper and a little touch of
For each pair of eggs,
add a nice rounded spoon of goat cheese. Perhaps the connection needs a
bit of fleshing out, since it’s difficult to know what mere cheese has
to do with The Prince of Darkness.
The goat’s ties to the
Foul Deceiver are well known. This also involves, by extension, goat
products. Is goat cheese the most corrupted of foods? The question has
not plagued theologians as have others, but the answer is that it just
Mash them all together
with a fork until they form a soft consistency. If the goat cheese
wasn’t allowed to warm somewhat before you started, you may start to
think that you’ve been cursed by Old Scratch himself, for it will
require some effort to get your fork through it.
Once mashed together,
throw into the bowl some finely chopped green olive stuffed with
pimento. Once fully incorporated, the pimento will give the goat cheese
and egg yolk mixture little flecks of red. You can also consider adding
some chopped green onion, which will provide some bright color
enhancement, and also a bit of onion-y sweetness.
You are left with one –
the empty egg white shells – and one – the yolk mixture. Here, we do
some addition that would make the Odious Spreader of Lies proud.
Spoon the yolk and goat
cheese into the hollow egg white shells. One plus one equals one – the
deviled egg. Everything your parents and your elementary school teachers
taught is laid out before you as untruth. The revelation will cause the
weak to question their own sanity.
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