Read The Laughing Chef's bio and previous
November 5, 2007
Let the Calzone
Settle Your Sauce Conundrum
The great question
plaguing mankind for centuries has been how to get the amount of sauce
right on a pizza. Always, the answer is subjective, differing from
person to person.
Perhaps the best
solution to this seemingly intractable problem is to dodge the question
altogether, and leave it to the individual to create his or her own
circumstances, a pizza pie with no sauce is a depressing site. It sits
there, with some cheese and perhaps a darkened mushroom or two. It
invokes sadness and depression, and if you eat it, you eat out of pity.
So, again, we are faced
with a pie-related difficulty – how to dodge the question of “How much
sauce?” while also creating something people look at and wish to eat.
The answer here is, again, to dodge the nature of the question.
Let us skip the pie
altogether and do something different.
We will start as if we
are making a traditional pizza, with the rolling out of the dough into a
circle. It would be advisable, at this time, to let it retain some
thickness, for reasons we shall soon see.
Spread your toppings out
onto half of the pie crust, going thick.
Instead of leaving it a
pie, fold the crust over onto the fillings. You may do this one of two
ways: either you can fold one half over onto another and crimp down the
edges, or you may divide the crust into thirds and fold the wings over
the middle, where you will lay the toppings. If you do this, you will
notice that you can see some of the toppings, which is the effect you
are shooting for.
Awareness is now perhaps
beginning to dawn upon you. You have dodged your pie-related questions
by the simplest route known to man. You have simply renamed your problem
and pretended it didn’t exist.
In this case, rather
than having a pie, you may now safely call this a calzone. Some will
tell you that calzone translates to “stuffed trouser leg.” This is
almost certainly true, because a stuffed trouser leg is a simple, useful
solution to many of life’s difficult problems.
It is now time to pop
your solution into the oven, as long as you have properly preheated it.
Do so until the crust has attained a golden brown, which will be in
maybe 10 to 15 minutes.
While this is happening,
it is time to warm up the sauce. You will serve this as a condiment into
which you will dip pieces torn off of your stuffed trouser leg. Everyone
is free to take as much as they like, and they don’t even have to put up
with an ugly, depressing pie that makes you more sad than hungry.
North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
Click here to talk to our writers and
editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.
To e-mail feedback
about this column,
click here. If you enjoy this writer's
work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry
This is Column
Request permission to publish here.