November 5, 2008
To The Back Of The Bus!
America has spoken. And the country has
roundly rejected the divisive,
fear-mongering politics of hopelessness that
have held people down and prevented them
from reaching their true and full potential.
In other words, America has stuck a fork in
Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and the rest of
the Don Imus re-educators, whether or not
anyone even realizes it at this point.
Now there’s no complaining about The Man –
because The Man is black. He joins the ranks
of the 90 percent black commentator majority
Republicans have traditionally been the
party of blacks – from Lincoln ending
slavery, onward. Martin Luther King Jr. was
a Republican. President Dwight Eisenhower
presided over school and military
desegregation and the 1957 Civil Rights Act,
leading to an increase in black voters.
Black men and women of competence and skill
who have found themselves aligned with
Republicans in recent years – such as
Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell – have
been dismissed as racial traitors. That is,
until Powell wandered back onto the
reservation recently by supporting Barack
Obama. Then all appeared to be forgiven. I
mean, how could he have known? He was just
another poor black victim duped into doing
The Man’s bidding.
This election proved that race is no longer
an issue in America. At least for white
people, it isn’t – and hasn’t been for a
long time. White Americans have long enjoyed
and appreciated the contributions of Tiger
Woods, LeBron James, Jay-Z, Oprah Winfrey,
Halle Berry, Denzel Washington and others.
Their success in the free market bears this
But CNN exit polls show that 95 percent of
blacks voted for Obama. They barely even
gave the white guy a second look. And this
is what a united America looks like – whites
voting more or less along traditional
ideological lines, and blacks voting almost
exclusively for their homeboy?
When blacks can look at a candidate and not
see color, or when television viewers can
watch cable news and say, “There are way too
many liberals on here, why does management
think that we’d be blind to that fact by the
color of their skin?” that’s when we’ll know
that we’ve really made progress.
In the meantime, there’s a way we can all
unite post-election: By rolling up our
sleeves and getting to work. And by “work”,
I don’t mean speaking, organizing, rallying
and complaining – I mean actual work.
Pretend it’s the 9/11 rescue site all over
again, only this time it’s your bank account
that has figuratively imploded. Hard to wrap
your head around that abstract concept? Of
course it is! If it was easy to comprehend
the abstract, then CNN exit polls would have
found more than a mere 9 percent of voters
who consider terrorism the most important
issue of the election. But people obviously
have a tough time assigning value to
something that hasn’t happened because it
has been prevented.
Beyond John McCain blowing it by supporting
the bailout, the economy shouldn’t have even
been an election consideration. Terrorism,
therefore, should have won by default.
Let’s break that down: If you are in
debt up to your eyeballs, it is because
you bought a house you couldn’t afford,
and you maxed out your credit cards.
George W. Bush didn’t do that. He didn’t
come to your house and drag you and your
MasterCard out a shopping spree. If you
can’t buy gas or pay your mortgage and have
run out of credit, that’s not George W.
Bush’s fault. And no president can fix that,
either. All this talk about Barack Obama
being able to do so is just further fueling
the culture of irresponsibility.
What the government can do is prevent
people from hijacking planes to fly into
buildings, detonating bombs in the subway or
shopping malls. That’s one of the
government’s actual jobs – not to buy your
gas. And President Bush has done that by
going to their caves and kicking their
behinds around the sand dunes. And guess
what? It’s worked. So much so that only 9
percent think it’s even an issue anymore.
So let’s give props and sympathy to the poor
old white guy. He’ll soon be out of a job as
a white conservative at a time when all the
cable news jobs are going to guys like D.L.
Hughley, with commentary and analysis
performed (along with dance moves) by the
likes of Will.i.am.
Maybe the best thing to do is just kick back
while Obama puts on his Santa hat and takes
the wheel of the bus while everyone in back
sings Kumbaya and rifles through our new
goodie bags. Hopefully he won’t have
plunged it into the ditch and Kopechne’d (in
the Mary Jo sense) the entire country after
Don’t sweat it too much. As Winston
Churchill once said, “In war you can be
killed only once. In politics, many times .
. . unless you’re Obama’s nan.”