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November 22, 2006

The Left’s ‘Orgasm for Peace’


In a world full of terrorists, rogue states, dangerous dictators and nuclear proliferation, it is indeed difficult to find a clear and easy solution that would forever preserve world peace. Diplomacy, the United Nations, and wars to end all wars have all been tried, yet violence persists.


But now, we have an answer. The solution that Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill failed to attain is now crystal clear. World, get ready, you are about to undergo a historic change, brought about by none other than American leftists. The final chapter of world violence has been written, and it’s called the “Global Orgasm for Peace.”


That’s right. Anti-war activists are taking a break from burning American flags and spilling blood on military recruiters to sexually arouse themselves for the purpose of achieving world peace. The worldwide synchronized orgasm is scheduled to take place on the first day of winter, which apparently will soon be followed by Iran’s recognition of Israel and an acknowledgment of human rights in China.


Leaders of the Global Orgasm for Peace movement are convinced that violence is a result of human males seeking to impress women by showing that “my missile is bigger than your missile.” As such, the peace activists are working to resolve this issue by getting people to direct their sexual energy into peaceful thoughts (my vision of peace can kick your vision of peace’s butt).


This is a real-life, albeit limited, demonstration that many of the political left, from extremists to mere liberals, just don’t get it. They are confident that anyone and everyone who participates in war is irrational, and to them, just plain dumb. They fail to understand that to most military conflicts, there is an “evil” side and a “good” side, and that while the first fights out of irrationality, the latter does so out of necessity.


Terrorists don’t think along the lines of “my missile is bigger than your missile.” They think along the lines of “my dynamite belt is bigger than your baby.” The people we are fighting a worldwide war against are so full of hate that they would refuse peace if it was handed to them on a silver platter. These terrorists love American peace activists because they provide a wonderful breeding ground for conscientious objectors and work to weaken the U.S. commander-in-chief. They sure don’t listen to the peace activists’ message, and the only orgasms they care about are those they will get upon receiving their share of 72 heavenly virgins.


The ironic part is that the only reason the Orgasmers for Peace are able to express themselves the way they do is America’s success at fighting wars in the past. If it adopted the left’s pacifist beliefs, the United States would have lost its southwest in World War I and 48 states in World War II. And now, they want us to drop our guns and get run over by the forces of totalitarianism and Islamo-fascism.


Much of extremist Muslims’ hate for the United States comes from our country’s “progressive” culture. Muslims see pornography, sexual promiscuity and gay marriage as highly immoral. They further find the glorification and exportation of these aspects of American culture through movies, magazines and the internet to be reprehensible and harmful to their own culture and children. Interestingly, these are issues that Mullahs would agree more on with George W. Bush, their sworn enemy, than anti-war activists and Hollywood stars.


In fact, the politicians and organizations that have attracted Muslims’ favor in the last few years would be the worst off in an Islamic nation. Hillary Clinton’s recent statement that her advocacy of gay issues has evolved (just like the Constitution!) would not be so welcome in Egypt or Iran. And despite being one of American Muslims’ best friends, the ACLU’s stance on the separation of religion and state would not fare so well in Saudi Arabia.


And if nothing else is certain, it remains a fact that a Muslim theocracy would have anyone advocating a Global Orgasm for anything executed or thrown in jail. The only way our nation’s progressives can retain the way of life they take for granted is through U.S. success in the war on terror. Hopefully, they will come to recognize this reality, for if they don’t and America loses, good luck finding “Will and Grace” on one of the government’s four sanctioned TV channels.


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This is Column # PI31. Request permission to publish here.