With the Taurus, Truett
long ago stopped loving the Ford Taurus, and while Ford executives are
not known for catching on quickly, the company has indeed announced that
the last Taurus will soon roll off its assembly line in Atlanta. And it
appears they also know who is going to buy it.
goes to 85-year-old Truett Cathy, founder of the Chick-fil-A restaurant
chain and a Ford fan from his early days in the restaurant business,
when he believes Ford employees coming from across the street fueled his
this is not yet official. A Ford spokeswoman says they are “working to
make it happen,” but refuses to commit to the final-Taurus-to-Truett
Someone wants to buy one of your cars. That doesn’t happen very often.
You might want to get the guy his car. Especially considering that he
wants a Taurus – you know, the cars you’re not going to make anymore
because no one wants them?
If Mr. Cathy wants to buy the last Taurus, this may be an indication
that he has eccentric taste. Then again, maybe he is just one of those
people who wants to give love to people and things once they have long
since been forsaken by all others.
it seems that Mr. Cathy has a useful role to play in society. The Taurus
is a piece of crap, after all. It doesn’t deserve to be made anymore.
Truett Cathy’s purchase of the last one, putting the long-overdue nail
in its coffin, could become a symbolic event in the life of many other
products that deserve the same fate. Mr. Cathy needs to get in his new
Taurus and pay a visit:
the headquarters of Norton Anti-Virus Protection. Let’s sell one of
those puppies to Truett today! Try firing up your new computer with your
Norton ready to patrol for viruses. Go ahead. Try doing anything. Open a
program. Send an e-mail. Adjust the volume on the speakers. Uh uh uh!
Not so fast! Norton here! Before you do that, we’ll just shake down that
application to make sure it’s safe for you. This will only take a
moment. Arrgh! Try de-activating it. Good luck. I would rather
take my chances with any number of viruses than deal with Norton’s
“protection.” Truett Cathy, buy one of these babies as fast as you can.
Then take your Taurus:
Sunnyvale, California, headquarters of Palm Inc., where they make those
blasted Palm Pilots. I don’t have a Palm Pilot, but they impact my life
nonetheless. Just try to schedule a meeting with a Palm Pilot user.
Wednesday at 2? Works for me. So says the user of the high-tech device
known as the appointment book. The Palm Piloteer? Wait. Darnit! Ah,
dropped my utensil. Can you get that? Darnit. Can never get this thing
to work. Wednesday? Wait. It doesn’t recognize a day called Wednesday.
Are you sure that’s a day? . . . Mr. Cathy, pick one of those
things up, will you? No one says you ever have to use it. Just put it in
the glove compartment of your Taurus. Then keep it there while you
Reston, Virginia, home of Sprint Nextel, to order one of those Nextel
Walkie Talkies. This very four-years-ago craze seems to be on its last
legs anyway, but you can never be too sure. Bee-beep! Zach, where
are you? Bee-beep! Golfin’! Bee-beep! Dude. Bee-beep!
Dude! Bee-beep! This is so much better than calling you!
Bee-beep! I know! Actually, why is it better? Bee-beep! I
don’t know! Bee-beep! OK! Dude! Truett Cathy, do us all a favor
and beep these bozos out of business.
shopping list could expand forever. Mentos. Handbags for men. Portable
DVD players. Wine coolers. If he has a little time to go see a few David
Spade movies, all of humanity would be grateful for that as well.
Cathy’s desire to own the last Taurus is not the reason for the model’s
demise. Its utter horridness accounts for that. Even so, symbolism is
powerful in America. How can we expect to compete in the global economy
if we keep letting crap head out the doors of our factories? Make Truett
Cathy the Grim Reaper of American commerce. Just think what he could
accomplish in a few hours in a Wal-Mart. Perhaps Truett Cathy is reading
this column and is ready to embrace the work that only he can do. Then
again, if he’s reading this column . . . gulp!
© 2006 North Star
Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
Click here to talk to our writers and
editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.
To e-mail feedback about this column,
click here. If you enjoy this writer's
work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry
This is Column # DFK51. Request permission to publish here.