April 12, 2006
Better Start Doing It
Right! (Because Bob Is Watching)
makes both military and commercial aircraft. The military aircraft are
designed to help the armed forces invade countries and blow stuff up.
The commercial aircraft are designed to give ordinary travelers
miserable experiences at very high altitudes.
the two shall meet. Except that they did, and the little oopsie has just
cost Boeing $15 million – and the need to hire Bob.
company with amazing technological capabilities, deals in tiny computer
chips that have the ability to stabilize and steer guided missiles.
Pretty cool, huh? So those would go in – let me see – the military
planes, right? Well, except that they could be used as a backup
navigational system too. So you could put those in the other ones. Or
not. It’s so hard to keep these things on track.
those computer chips over by the microwave in the employee lounge and
come over here to discuss it!
the government is less ambiguous on this point. If the chips can do
military stuff, the chips are military chips. They don’t belong on
Flight 35 to Des Moines. So don’t put them in the commercial planes!
You . . .
didn’t . . . put them in there. Did you?
Are those computer chips still sitting by the microwave? Biff? Uh
oh . . .
Well, wait, first fine Boeing $15 million. Now enter Bob.
name may or may not be Bob, will be Boeing’s new “outside compliance
officer.” That means he will “monitor and audit the company’s export
practices.” The problem, you see, is that these commercial airliners
that can theoretically steer missiles get sold to foreign companies. And
the last thing we need is Belgium Airways getting its hands on Weapons
of Mass Destruction.
won’t do that anymore. “Note to Self: ‘Don’t put missile guidance
technology on Belgium Airways planes.’”
little aircraft manufacturers sometimes forget. And that’s where Bob
will come in so handy.
Are you putting missile guidance chips in that commercial airliner?”
Bob! Not us! You might want to go talk to Biff’s team. Never quite so
sure about that Biff character . . . “
Boeing employees. Bob is looking over your shoulder. If that won’t
remind you not to accidentally install that chip, I don’t know what
will. And hey! Shouldn’t that plane have a wing on both sides?
Gee, thanks Bob!
concept might work for other companies as well. How many meat packers
would steer clear of deadly bacteria in their products if Bob were
standing there with his hands on his hips and tapping his feet?
Enron would have gotten out of control if Bob had been there? You think
the Detroit Lions would play the way they do if Bob were keeping an eye
This is a
great concept. The outside compliance officer. The guy who stands around
and makes sure people don’t screw things up. Why didn’t we think of this
since, without an outside compliance officer doing this job, some people
might start expecting CEOs to do it.
© 2006 North Star
Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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