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June 19, 2009

D.F. is Tweeting; What Could Go Wrong?


D.F. has been told that he can use “tweets” to build his business, but they have to be 140 characters or fewer.


D.F. doesn’t think this will help him grow his business.


D.F. furthermore wonders why anyone would be that interested in what he is doing at any given moment.


D.F. warns you: It is usually something stupid.


D.F. does, however, want to grow his business.


D.F. should be more clear: He wants to grow how much money he makes from it.


D.F. is going to therefore test the notion that he can achieve this through these stupid “tweets.”


D.F. figures they are called tweets because this whole Twitter thing is akin to a bunch of birds in your yard that keep doing that.


D.F. concludes that whoever invented Twitter was listening to these birds one day and thought, “Hey! That bird just told his friend he was going to make hot cocoa!”


D.F. bets the bird’s friend asked, “Why are you telling me?”


D.F. is working on a new business proposal.


D.F. read some other tweets and doesn’t think he said that in a Twitterish sort of way.


D.F. will rephrase.


D.F. is trying 2 get more $ woo hoo!


D.F. is asking Lacey to check the proposal for errors.


D.F. is annoyed that Lacey spotted a misspelling in the very first line, especially because the misspelled word is D.F.’s own name.


D.F. just realized he has been referring to himself in the third person throughout this column.


D.F. now feels like a tool.


D.F. is trying to decide how much budget to request in this proposal.


D.F. pulled a number out of the usual place.


D.F. isn’t sure these tweets are helping to attract new clients.


D.F. wonders if some more creativity would help.


D.F. just told 19 Fortune 500 companies to stop wasting his valuable time.


D.F. is jetting off to Paris for a $1 million speaking engagement.


D.F. doesn’t speak French.


D.F. invented an automatic French-to-English translation device that the entire audience will wear.


D.F. sold the devices to the audience members for $10,000 apiece.


D.F. is rich!


D.F. now has to decide who to follow on Twitter.


D.F. wonders if this is also a bird reference, like maybe to when birds fly in a V-formation and some follow the others.


D.F. has stopped wondering because he doesn’t really care.


D.F. is thinking about giving all his employees the day off to celebrate his big cash haul.


D.F. isn’t going to.


D.F. doubts you care about any of this, but one thing he knows for sure is that he’s not about to start following you.


D.F. thinks your life is boring.


D.F. is going to turn off his computer. But first . . .


D.F. needs to check Facebook.


© 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.


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