Read D.F.'s bio and previous columns
February 27, 2009
Mock You During a
Recession? You Bet!
briefly considered, in a rare moment of reflection, that a business
humor column during a time of severe economic recession might be
untoward. After all, what’s funny about businesses struggling, people
worrying and everyone fighting a constant battle just to get by?
But I got over it quickly, and came to what should be a fairly obvious
conclusion: Such times provide more fodder for business hilarity than
any other, if you can view them in the right way. My North Star Writers
Group colleague Rachel Marsden
recently wrote a column urging people to fight their way through the
recession by doing certain things – the first of which was not to listen
to the people who are always telling you how bad everything is.
She’s right. The same goes for humor. Tell me the truth: Did you laugh
at Baghdad Bob when he was insisting the Americans were nowhere in
sight? Of course you did. Did you laugh at the Detroit Lions when they
took football laughability to new heights? Obviously.
why aren’t we allowed to laugh about what’s happening now? Because it
affects “real people”? Listen. I need to tell you something. Everyone
you’ve ever laughed at was a real person. It may have been a person you
didn’t like, or a person you convinced yourself there was no need to
give a crap about. But they were real people.
while your company is struggling in the recession, and you’re worried
about whether you’re going to survive, am I going to mock you and make
fun of you?
You’d better believe I am!
You do realize – right? – that your accounts payable chief is sending
your vendors checks and intentionally “forgetting” to sign them. It
gives the appearance of having the ability to pay when, in fact, she’s
buying her and you another 10 days of cash flow.
The vendor catches on to the gambit, photo copies an old signature and
then learns how to forge it, which then puts your clever accountant in a
bit of a pickle.
“Say, did you cash that check I sent you?”
“Yes I did. Why do you
“Well, it’s just that I don’t see how . . .”
mean, I didn’t, I mean, I thought, I mean . . .”
“You weren’t going to
tell me something, were you?”
“Uh, no, have a nice day!”
And amidst all this, of course, your sales are falling faster than a
skydiver holding an anvil. Your stock price is so tiny, microbiologists
are debating its existence. Your bottom line is not called “bottom” for
And the Who’s Who of America registry just called and offered you $50
not to send in a submission this year. I suggest you take it.
Don’t worry, though. I’ll be keeping an eye on you. The worse it gets,
the more merciless I will be. Granted the quality of the jokes is not
that great, but hey. It’s you. You don’t really think you deserve my
best effort, do you?
© 2009 North Star
Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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