Read D.F.'s bio and previous columns
February 20, 2009
The Facebook Privacy
Freakout, and MyKrauseFace.com
Facebook has its 175 million users in a tizzy because it actually went
to the trouble of reminding people what it means when they put
information on Facebook.
This returns us happily to the issue of privacy, an expectation people
consider to be rock-solid and without possibility of adulteration even
as they inform a user group bigger than almost every country in the
world, “Esmeralda ended her relationship with Mark Skweebish,” or “David
is clipping his toenails.”
people that when they post information on Facebook, it’s there forever.
People freaked out.
My privacy! My
priiiiiiiivacy!!!!!!!! I don’t want everyone to know I broke up with
And exactly how would they know that?
Oh, I just posted a
change in my relationship status! Check it out!
Use Facebook as you wish. One guy in England changed his relationship
status to single before getting around to telling his wife he was
leaving her. Priorities!
But if you’re going to use social networking sites, it seems a little
silly to have any expectation of privacy whatsoever. Zuckerman points
out, for example, that when you send someone a private message on
Facebook, you may delete your copy of it, but the other person still has
theirs and there’s not a thing you can do about that.
The timing of this is fortuitous, because I have been preparing to
launch my own social networking site, and I need to be up to speed on
the leading issues regarding such sites. So with that in mind, I have
as I know you all will, you will want to keep this policy in mind:
MyKrauseFace.com, we deeply respect the expectation of privacy. There
are few things that provide us with more hours of hilarity. Oh yes, we
are laughing at you. But we’re not only laughing at the way you think.
We’re using the information you post to play awesome practical jokes on
For instance, when you update your status to say, “Angus is going to
smoke weed tonight,” well –you’re going to love this – we call the cops!
It’s good to be the keepers of information.
just to make sure everyone’s on the same page, let’s leave no doubt: The
information you post on MyKrauseFace.com belongs to us forever. When you
list your employment information, we write that down and then contact
your boss to tell him how many hours you’re spending on MyKrauseFace.com.
When you list your relationship status as married, but you chat
endlessly with that flirty little hussy two time zones over? Yeah, we
tell your wife about that.
also sell your e-mail address and send messages to your cell phone
trying to sell you ring tones. Oh, and when you search for old
girlfriends to see if they’re on here? You guessed it. We tell the old
girlfriends and your wife!
Hey, we figure we might as well cut out the middleman. Everyone can tell
what a doofus you are from the way you act on here anyway. We’re just
trying to save you a little time and energy pretending.
disagree, that’s OK too. Feel free to post a message on MyKrauseFace.com
decrying our lack of respect for your need to be left alone. Millions
will see it, as will we, and the next time we’re allocating resources
long. In fact, they last forever.
© 2009 North Star
Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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