Read D.F.'s bio and previous columns
May 5, 2008
My Coffee With the
client likes my plan, but he is reluctant to spend the money.
“It’s the economy, D.F. It has me jittery.”
Jittery? You don’t think he needs to cut down on the caffeine, do you?
Lots of people in the business world are nervous about the economy. It’s
all people talk about. No one wants to spend. No one wants to expand. No
one wants to hire. No one wants to launch anything. They’re all
Because they’re sheep.
The decision-makers within the business community have fallen for the
biggest scam in the world. They’re scared to death that disaster is
looming for them because of “the economy.”
have told you this before. It bears repeating. There is no such thing as
“the economy.” I’ll prove it.
Have you ever seen an economy? What color is it? What does it eat?
(Besides all your confidence.) What does it do? What are its elements?
You have no idea, do you? Because the economy is a fictional bogeyman.
It’s no more real than the Wizard of Oz. You think it’s this big scary
thing that’s going to come and get you, when in fact it’s just a man
behind a curtain making scary noises.
And who is this man? Alan Greenspan, of course.
But I’m getting tired of people not spending money because of “the
economy.” So I insisted on a meeting with it. We met for coffee.
“Would you stop scaring
people? I can’t get them to spend any money!”
“You think you have problems. I’m very misunderstood. I grow and grow
and grow, and then I shrink a little and everyone thinks I’m
disintegrating. If a fat guy gains 35 pounds and then loses one, dude is
still a lard butt.”
“Speaking of which,
that’s a pretty big sandwich.”
know, D.F. It’s a good thing you’re paying.”
“Why am I paying?”
“What do you think? I’m made of money?”
“You know nothing. Being the economy is no fun. For one thing, everyone
is always predicting your demise, especially in an election year. Do
they give me any credit when I’m going well? Not a chance! But let me
slow down even a little and it’s the fall of the republic. I get tired
of that crap. I have self-esteem issues. You don’t think I’m an idiot,
“What I think is that
you’re everyone’s excuse for not spending money. I’ve got a client who’s
been wanting to do a launch for four years, and I’ve finally got a plan
ready for him, and now he’s afraid to do it. Because of you!”
“See? That’s exactly what I mean. What does he think I’m going to do to
“Screw it up, I guess.
Make people afraid to buy the product?”
“I’ve noticed that we keep coming back to people being afraid and
“Because you make them
“Well, that’s what makes no sense to me. If you’re in business, isn’t it
sort of a foregone conclusion that you’re comfortable taking risks? I
mean, not dumb risks, obviously, but calculated ones? The kind where the
reward is sizeable enough, and it’s reasonable enough to expect you’ll
attain it, and you can afford the loss in the worst-case scenario.”
“I would have to agree
“So why are they afraid of me? Heck, let’s say I contract a little. Just
for giggles. If I’m worth $3 trillion this quarter and $2.95 trillion
the next, what makes you think the person who gets screwed out of that
$50 billion is going to be you? Do you have that little confidence in
“That’s true. Even in
that scenario, there’s still a lot of wealth out there.”
“Exactly my point! And yet no matter what I do, everyone thinks they’re
going to end up in the poor house, and it’s going to be my fault!”
“Sounds pretty stupid
when you put it like that.”
“Almost as stupid as you sitting here in a coffee shop having a
conversation with me, especially since, as you’ve pointed out, I don’t
“Well, I feel better.
The people here at the coffee shop think I’m a little weird, though.”
“That’s not new.”
© 2008 North Star
Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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