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March 3, 2008
Resources, In Goldenrod
“Why do we need a color-coded employee-advancement classification
The HR director folded her arms and gave me one of those
“D.F. We want to
encourage our people to pursue advancement. The ChCEAC method will help
us identify good candidates for elevation.”
“It’s Capital C,
lower-case h, Capital C-E-A-C. It stands for Color-enhancement Coded
Employee Advancement Classification.”
“Where does the lower-case h come in?”
an ‘h’ in enhancement, but it’s not the first letter of the word, so
it’s lower-case. I inserted it in there to make the acronym easier to
“Then what’s with the second capital C?”
“It’s not important,
D.F. What matters here is that we are creating a pathway to prosperity
for our people.”
Egad. This is what happens when people think that everything needs to be
strategically planned. Whoever took corporate America’s perfectly
harmless personnel directors, and ruined them by turning them into
“human resource” directors is probably responsible for this. It’s no
longer enough just to file their employment papers and make sure they’re
in the country legally. Now we have to give them a “pathway to
prosperity,” which reminds me that it would be nice if someone could
point me toward my own.
The HR director has worked long and hard on this. She’s prepared charts.
They have footnotes. I mean, with little raised numbers and everything.
I’m sort of freaked out.
But here’s the gist of it:
Each employee is assigned a color-coded category based on their
likelihood of being a good candidate for advancement within the company.
There are three categories – red, yellow and green.
Green means the person is a strong candidate for advancement and should
be nurtured to build on strengths, pursue training opportunities to
shore up weaknesses and begin working with a mentor to develop a broader
understanding of the company’s goals and objectives.
Er, OK. What’s yellow?
Yellow means the person is task-oriented and has not shown an
inclination to grasp the broader picture, raising questions as to
whether (s)he would be a valuable team member if elevated to a level of
And you don’t even want to know about red, which is more or less the
Hopefully I’m not in it.
“So you see, D.F., by
referring to the color code indicated on the person’s employment files,
you will know how to proceed with respect to facilitating their possible
advancement within the company. The employee’s respective shade will
help guide you in approaching the individual’s career direction.”
yes. There’s not just green. There’s lime, olive and pine. The lime
employees are go-getters, but there’s no rhyme or reason to what they go
and get. The olive group has a military mentality and wants more rules.
Pine? I guess they’re prickly.
The yellow group is broken up into corn, chartreuse and goldenrod, and I
can’t explain those to you because I would be fired by my syndicate. But
trust me, they’re interesting.
“Why can’t we just keep an eye on people and, if we have a higher-level
position available, consider promoting them to it?”
She gave me that look again.
“D.F. That’s not very
Neither is goldenrod, but I’m sitting here looking at it.
© 2008 North Star
Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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