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August 6, 2007

Not So Many E-Mails! I Agree! Me Too! Me Too!


My e-mail alert sounds a little like one of those English police sirens.




Just keep that in mind.


So I’m sitting in my office early in the morning of a promising day, scheming as to how I might amuse myself by making my employees nervous. Run-of-the-mill stuff.




“Subject: Something to consider. From Linda. To All. Priority: High. Hey everybody, I just wanted to take a moment to call your attention to a situation that I’m sure all of us recognize, as every priority seems high and the volume of projects grows longer and longer. I’ve noticed that I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with my e-mail. It seems that every e-mail I receive these days is marked ‘high priority,’ even though, in many cases, I am only on the list as an FYI. Look, I appreciate being kept in the loop, but is it really high-priority for me to know about projects I’m not working on? Also, I don’t know what to do with an e-mail subject like ‘Here are the specs.’ What specs? What project number? Is this an action item for me? I just want to ask everybody to consider their use of e-mail, especially mass-copying everyone in the company. We also appreciate e-mail as a useful tool, but let’s keep in mind when the use of it may become more of a hindrance than a help. That’s all. Please don’t reply to this, and certainly, please don’t high-priority reply to all!!!! Thanks. Linda”


I thought about that. What a noble attempt at restoring rationality to the use of e-mail. Too bad I knew exactly what would happen next . . .




“Subject: Re: Something to consider. From Ted. To All. Priority: High. I really think we all owe Linda a debt of gratitude for saying what needed to be said. I know she asked us not to ‘reply all’ to the message, but I just felt that she deserved some credit for saying what I think we’ve all been thinking. *begins slow clap – LOL* I know that I’ve sometimes been guilty of this. Well, I know we’re not supposed to be abusing e-mail, so I’ll stop now. Good job, Linda, You da man. Ted”


Well, surely that will be the end of it. Yep.




“Subject: Re: Re: Something to consider. From Remy. To All. Priority: High. What a relief!!! I didn’t want to say anything — and I know those of you who were CCing me had the best of intentions — but I have so many e-mails to wade through every day, plus the crush of projects and deadlines . . . Linda is my new hero. And I also agree with Ted that no one can claim to be totally innocent, but I think we have a chance now at a fresh start on this issue, and for that we should all be thankful. Linda, I love you!!! Remy”


Now that kind of affirmation must surely warm Linda’s heart.




“Subject: Re: Re: Re: Something to consider. From Chester. To All. Priority: High. Yes. Thank God and thank Linda. This will be my last reply to all. I just had to say this. Linda, you rock. Chester”


Three. Two. One . . .




“Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Something to consider: From Linda. To All. Priority: High. Everyone, thanks for your appreciation. I really appreciate it. But we should probably all agree to stop the replies now!!!! Oh, and I love you too, Remy. Linda”


This is working out exactly as intended. Another exciting day at the office.




“Subject: Fw: Re: Re: Re: Re: Something to consider: From Remy. To D.F. Priority: Scorching. D.F., how do you think Linda meant that when she said she loves me?”


“Subject: Re: Fw: Re: Re: Re: Re: Something to consider. From D.F. To Remy. Priority: Low. I think she meant she is madly in love with you and will have your children if you never send another e-mail again.”


Back to work. I hope.


Ee-aw . . . . !


© 2007 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.


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